(My friend and I are a little bit obsessed with the Phoenix Wright games and refer to it as being in “Lawyer Hell.” We’re also both college students.)

Friend: “Help me.”

Me: “Lawyer Hell?”

Friend: “No, but a type of Hell.”

Me: “College?”

(My family and I are walking around a lake in the city, when my grandfather spots an old friend.)

Friend: “[Grandfather]! Long time, no see!”

Grandfather: “[Friend]! How’re you doing? This is my granddaughter, [My Name].”

(As my grandfather and his friend talk, I can see a man power-walking towards us. Since the path is kind of narrow, and my grandfather and his friend are taking up some space, I step back so the power-walker can pass by.)

Power-Walker: *to me* “DON’T BLOCK THE PATH!”

(I guess I didn’t step back far enough for him…)

(My boyfriend and I are in a small comic book store looking around. A family with two little girls are also looking around and are in the kids’ section. The older one remarks that a lot of the comic book covers are creepy. We then hear this gem.)

Little Girl: “It’s a good thing I haven’t learned how to read yet!”

Boyfriend: *remarking quietly* “Never heard that said as a brag before.”

(Some friends and I got together to have a Nerf war in the forest at a relative’s house. After an extended period of time, we all realized that we’ve lost track of one of our friends in the chaos.)

Me: “Is [Friend #1] even still here, or did he walk back into the house?”

Friend #2: “I’m not sure. He did say that he was hungry earlier, but he usually tells someone before he leaves.”

Friend #3: “Yo, [Friend #1], are you out there buddy?”

(There’s still no answer and we can’t figure out where he’s hiding.)

Friend #2: “Well, he’s either really well hidden or he went back to the house without telling anyone.”

(All of a sudden Friend #1, covered in mud, drops down from a nearby tree, shoots us all with a Nerf dart, shouts “peanut butter toast” as a battle cry, and then disappears into the woods again. We all stand watching the direction he disappeared to in stunned silence.)

Me: “I think that just raised more questions than it answered.”

(He later claimed it was a crazy homeless guy and not him, even though he was still covered in mud and his favorite snack is peanut butter toast.)

(A friend and I are talking arguing about which side to support in a dispute in a game he plays. One side is trying to cure a disease that turns those it infects monsters, but it does allow them to retain some intelligence, as they are a hive-mind. The other is just focused on killing them. I support the former, my friend the latter.)

Friend: “But why would you want to cure them if you can just kill them all?”

Me: “[Friend]! That’s genocide!”

Friend: “It can’t be genocide if they’re not people.”

Me: *speechless*