Not Enough Blood To The Brain

, | Friendly | February 12, 2014

(I am in medical school and am excited to be going out with the phlebotomy team the next day. We get up early and go around to each of the patients in the hospital that needs blood drawn then send the blood off to the lab. It is a great way to improve our blood drawing skills. I tell a close friend about the phlebotomy team and she becomes very upset.)

Friend: *screaming* “That’s awful! How can you do that? I didn’t think that was still legal! I can’t believe you would do that to your patients!”

(It took me a while to figure out that she thought I was going out with the ‘lobotomy’ team.)

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It’s About To Get Dicey

| Friendly | February 12, 2014

(I’m running three six-hour adventures as part of my volunteer duties at the 2006 A-Kon. The third adventure, when all the characters are advanced to high powered versions, has a player who tells me that it is her first time ever playing a tabletop RPG. Two of the players have played both the earlier adventures choosing the drider-girl and FBI agent each time, and another two are long-time friends of mine. The remaining two players are friends of the newbie.)

New Player: “Is it going to be hard?”

Me: “Not at all. The hardest part about this game is making the character. But I use pre-generated characters at conventions to avoid that.”

Agent Player: “And he’s been a really good GM. I love this story line.”

Drider Player: “We’ve been in both of his other events. And this is a really great system.”

New Player: “I’m just worried about keeping track of all the information.”

Me: “Well, I put info on all your dragon-girl’s powers and abilities on the sheet. I’ve done all the math already. Also, I have a copy of your character so I can make sure you’re good. This is basically the same as playing cops and robbers as a little kid. The rules and dice only exist for two reasons, really.”

New Player: “Oh? What are those?”

Me: “A: if there is a dispute they prevent things from falling to endless ‘No I’m not,’ ‘Yes you are’ arguments. And B: when you roll a high number it gives you an excuse to go ‘Ooooooh’ and say how cool and awesome you are.”

(The experienced players agree with me. Later, the new player decides to have her dragon girl do a strafing run on a bunch of banshee-like space invaders and she rolls a bunch of successive critical successes.)

Me: “Your fire breath cuts a line straight through the oncoming hordes and incinerates everyone it touches.”

New Player: “Ooooooooooh”

Table: “One of us! One of us! One of us!”

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Has No Style With An Alternative Lifestyle

| Friendly | February 12, 2014

(My kids and I may be a bit unusual in that so-called alternative lifestyles have never phased us. People are just people. We are shopping in our local store when some college boys enter. They are obviously taking part in some fraternity prank. All are in extremely dressy gowns complete with makeup, jewelry, stockings, and purses. After failing to get a reaction from my kids and me, they start following us through the store getting more and more outrageous. One practically threw his purse in front of my cart. I stop and wait for him to retrieve it, giving him a little smile.)

College Boy: “Well, s***! What do I have to do? Flash you?”

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Being Taken For A Runaround

Friendly | February 12, 2014

Amazed They Passed The Bar

| Friendly | February 11, 2014

(We are at a bar getting drinks, and it’s my round. We like to mix things up a bit with what we have.)

Me: “Hi. I would like to get two vodka, lemon, lime, and bitters please.”

Friend: “Do they have alcohol in them?”

Me: “Does a vodka, lemon, lime, and bitters have alcohol in it?”

Friend: “Yeah, because that’s what I always order when I have to drive as I didn’t think it was alcoholic.”

Me: “Let me get this straight. You order a drink with VODKA in the title and you think it doesn’t have alcohol in it?”

Friend: “Yeah…”

(The worst part is she is now a practicing lawyer.)

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