(It’s just after 7:30 am. I’m going on a day-trip to Denmark with a few friends of mine, and we’re about to drive on board the ferry. Friend #1 is driving. We’re one of the last cars to board, and we have to park on the ramp, which will only be raised and leveled out after all the cars are on board. Not only do we have to park at an angle, we also have to parallel park. Friend #1 has only driven for about a year and a half at this point, and is, understandably, a little freaked out. Luckily, she has help from a helpful, and VERY enthusiastic, parking attendee. He never stops smiling.)

Attendee: “Okay, are you ready for some parallel parking?”

Friend #1: “No!”

Worker: “Sure you are! I’ll guide you, come on!”

(He proceeds to guide her through the entire process; how to turn the wheel, when to stop and drive forwards and backwards, and even gives her encouraging remarks alongside the rest of us.)

Me: “You’re doing great, [Friend #1]!”

Friend #2: “Yeah, you can do this!”

Attendee: “Almost there. Ready to move forward a bit?”

Friend #1: *horrified* “No!”

Worker: “Yes, you are!”

(Although it’s a tight fit, she parks the car perfectly. We thank the worker for his help.)

Friend #3: “We should have filmed this.”

(I’m female. One of my closest friends is male. He’s a sweetheart, but he can be a little bit naive and oblivious at times. My sense of humor is a little strange, and I like to, on purpose, humorously misinterpret things that other people say.)

Friend: *reading sign* “Got Milk? Haha, [My Name], you could say “Nope, I don’t have any udders.””

Me: “[Friend]…”

Friend: “What?”

Me: “How do you think I’m going to feed my future children?”

Friend: “What? But you don’t have….Oh. Nevermind. Don’t say anything. I forgot you were a girl.”

(We both crack up.)

Me: “You know, sometimes, you can be udderly stupid.”

Friend: “I would like to forget I ever uddered that.”

(We exchange “udder” puns for the rest of the conversation. A couple days later, after something completely unrelated…)

Me: “Well, that was utterly fantastic.”

Friend: “You’re just never going to let that go….”

Me: *cracking up* “Honestly, I’d completely forgotten.”

(My friend and I are packing for a trip to the beach for a concert and discussing what we are bringing with us.)

Me: “I’m bringing sunscreen.”

Friend: “Okay. All we have is baby sunscreen.”

Me: “That’s why you get burnt all the time.”

Friend: “Duh. I never think about myself.”

Me: “I’m just not trying to get sun poisoning.”

(Friend #1 and I are both fans of a certain ninja-based manga and anime series and read translations of the newest chapters online every week. When the English dub of the second series finally starts airing in America, Friend #1 decides to wait on watching it but I watch it live. One day I decide to casually mention a funny observation to my friend at school.)

Me: “Oh, yeah, last night I was watching [Anime] and—”

Friend #1: *clapping hands over his head and yelling* “NO SPOILERS! DON’T GIVE ME ANY SPOILERS! I HAVEN’T WATCHED IT YET!”

Friend #2: “[My Name], are you trying to spoil him?!”

(The rest of my friends begin berating me for trying to give him spoilers, not even knowing what we’re talking about. Eventually, I manage to calm them down and get Friend #1 to stop yelling about spoilers long enough to listen to me.)

Me: “[Friend #1], you read the manga every week, right?”

Friend #1: “Yes…”

Me: “And the manga is currently HUNDREDS of chapters ahead of the English dub, isn’t it?”

Friend #1: “Yeah…”

Me: “So then you know what happens in this arc already, don’t you?”

Friend #1: “I do…”

Me: “So I can’t spoil you then, can I?”

Friend #1: “…No, you can’t.”

(The kicker? I just wanted to comment that I thought a character’s dubbed laughter sounded like a horse, which isn’t related to the story at all!)

This story is part of our Anime roundup!

Read the next Anime roundup story!

Read the Anime roundup!

(I’m in my fourth year of college and my little sister comes to visit for a few days. Too bored to stay at home, she decides to tag along to a few of my lectures. We’re walking to my first class and I’m pointing out some of the unique things about campus.)

Me: “And college students sleep ANYWHERE. On the benches, in the halls, in the bathroom, even…”

(We’re approaching a busy intersection in the middle of campus, and there’s a guy with a backpack lying face-down in the middle of the sidewalk.)

Me: “See? ANYWHERE.”

(I step around him and hurry to cross the street before the light changes.)

Sister: “Um… Are you sure he’s okay? Shouldn’t we—”

Me: “He’s fine; we’re gonna miss the light!”

(She reluctantly lets me pull her across the street, but once across we look back. The guy is now surrounded by people. Someone actually jumped out of their car–leaving it running in the intersection–to check on him. He’s groggily being helped to his feet, looking disoriented and pale. It’s very obvious that he passed out. My sister turns and stares at me.)

Me: “…Oh, my gosh, I am a horrible person.”