Finally Had The Balls To Say It

| USA | Friendly | January 28, 2014

(My roommate is pretty rigidly Republican, but tends to get snippy if anybody says anything bad about the candidates. My girlfriend doesn’t like to affiliate with either party, but holds very strong views on equality and the like. There’s a news report involving several influential, albeit older, Republican males on TV while the three of us are preparing dinner and they’re saying some pretty offensive things about women.)

Girlfriend: “Somebody ought to confiscate their testicles.”

Me: *trying not to laugh, and glancing at my roommate* “Hon, don’t say that.”

Roommate: “No, don’t shush her! I want to hear what the little lady has to say.”

Girlfriend: “If you want to hear what I have to say so you can try and argue with me about equality I really don’t want to hear it because as far as I’m concerned there is no valid argument against it. Absolutely zero valid arguments for inequality, unless a person is completely irrational and uneducated. Which you are not.”

Roommate: *grinning* “So… about this testicle confiscation.”

Girlfriend: “What?! It’s not like they’re using them!”

(We all started laughing and had a fairly civil conversation on the subject after that. It turned out that despite being super Republican, my roommate wasn’t a fan of his party’s ideas about women and he’d just been afraid to say so because of his family for years!)

No Dressing Up Her Honesty

| Chicago, IL, USA | Friendly | January 28, 2014

(My mother has a heavy accent. My best friend, who’s constantly worried about her weight, and I, are looking for prom dresses at our favorite store.)

Me: “I love that dress on you!”

Friend: “I don’t know. Do you think this dress makes me look fat?”

My Mother: “No! YOU make dress look fat! Dress make you look purple.”

Receiving A Habitual Dressing Down

| Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Friendly | January 28, 2014

(I am walking through a store with a friend of mine when we walk past a woman with many tattoos and piercings, and crazy colored hair. It is summer time, and she is wearing a really cute sun dress. Note: Utah can be quite a conservative state.)

Me: “Hey! I love your dress!”

Woman: “F*** off! Wait… what did you say?”

Me: “Uh… I like your dress?”

Woman: “Oh s***. Thank you!”

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A Ring-around Runaround

| KS, USA | Friendly | January 27, 2014

(I’m a female. My friend had just broken up with her boyfriend, since all he wanted was sex.)

Friend: “If you like something put a ring on it.” *looks at me* “Why the h*** haven’t you given me a ring yet?”

Me: *blinks and makes a ring out of paper towel and wraps it around her ring finger* “There, now you have one.”

Friend: *shows it off to the other people at the table*

(Two minutes later.)

Friend: *rips the ring off and throws it at me* “I’m tired of your crap! I’m breaking up with you!”

Busted On The Bus

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Friendly | January 27, 2014

(I am on the bus. Three guys get on and, out of the corner of my eye, I see them look at me, exchange some whispers and approach me.)

Guy #1: “So… where are you headed?”

Me: “Just to the city for the day.”

Guy #2: “You should come hang out with us.”

Me: “No, thanks; I’m meeting up with a friend.”

Guy #1: “Well, ditch them and come hang out with us.”

Me: “No, thanks.”

Guy #3: “Come on.”

Me: “No, thanks.”

(After the third refusal, they take their seats, one behind me, one in front of me, one next to me, essentially cornering me. They continue to attempt to persuade me to hang out with them for another two stops and I’m beginning to get quite frightened as they’re all about a foot taller than me. Suddenly, a stranger approaches.)

Stranger: “Hey, um, excuse me. Can I sit next to my girlfriend please? There are plenty of free seats.”

Guy #3: “Girlfriend?”

Stranger: “Yeah; can you move?” *turns to me* “Hey, baby, how was work?”

Me: “Okay…”

(Guy #3, who is sitting next to me, vacates the seat after the stranger gives him a meaningful look. The stranger takes his spot, wraps his arm around me and passes me his phone in which he’s typed the message ‘My name’s [Name]; play along.’. We spend the rest of the trip exchanging details about our day and future plans we have with ‘friends’ until, near the city, the three guys get off.)

Stranger: “Oh, my god! I hope I wasn’t crossing a line or anything! I just got on the bus and you looked so scared!”

Me: “I WAS scared; thank you SO much!”

Stranger: “My pleasure; I thought those guys looked like creeps. We made a good couple! Do you have a boyfriend?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Stranger: “Same!”

(We definitely stayed great friends after that!)

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