(My friend and I arrive at the airport to find that our flight is going to be delayed two hours, but the check-in lady tells us there is a flight leaving in ten minutes and we could jump on that one. I text my other friend who is going to pick us up at the airport to let him know the change of flights as we’re running to the gate. I also have a very close relationship with my mum. We finally land and head towards the luggage pick-up. This happens as we’re going down the escalator.)

Friend: “I will be so happy to sleep in my own bed”

Me: “Oh, for sure.” *spots other friend* “Hey there’s [Other Friend].” *waves*

(I then spot my mum and squeal with happiness scaring the ladies behind us.)

Me: “MUM!”

(I run down the rest of the steps and almost crash-tackle my mum.)

Mum: “[Other Friend] rang me and told about your flight changes and asked me if I wanted to come with him to pick you up.”

(I turn around a give my other friend a massive hug. As the two ladies I scared pass us I overhear one of them:)

Lady: “Wow! I wish my kids were that happy to see me!”

(My friend has five kids and always has a theme for Halloween. This year it’s The Wizard of Oz. It’s also worth noting she’s white, her husband’s black, and her kids are mixed.)

Friend: “Yeah so I’m going to be The Wicked Witch.”

Me: “If you’re The Wicked Witch, is [Husband] going to be a flying…” *pause* “…never mind.”

(I open my door to let my dogs in and am surprised by someone I assume is a Jehovah’s Witness.)

Witness: “Do you know where you’re going when you die?”

Me: “I have it written in my will that I want my corpse to be strapped to a rocket and fired off into space where it will hopefully crash into Europa and become a frozen scarecrow to ward off aliens from our solar system.”

Witness: “I meant your soul…”

Me: “Oh. I haven’t planned ahead that far yet.”

(I then shut the door and walked away.)

(During the Halloween season, my local amusement park turns into a “haunted” park. It’s great fun with multiple attractions, one of which is a very slow ride on tracks through an “old abandoned chemical factory.” Completely in the dark, at different points in the ride, people dressed as monsters pop out and say scary things or go “boo” or whatever. My friend and her husband are riding, and my friend HATES clowns.)

Friend: “If something jumps out at me, I’m going to scream!”

Friend’s Husband: “Well, that’s kind of the point of a haunted house–”

(Suddenly, a worker dressed as a creepy zombie clown pops up out of nowhere and starts following the car.)

Creepy Clown: “BOO!”

Friend: *screams*

Friend’s Husband: “Oh, come on, that wasn’t even that scary— Wait. Don’t I know you? [Clown’s Real Name], is that you?!”

Creepy Clown: *straightens posture and smiles* “Oh, hey, dude! Haven’t seen you since high school! What’s up?!”

Friend’s Husband: “Nothing much, just figured we’d stop by here on my day off. Nice weather for it.”

Creepy Clown: “Isn’t it, though? Well, hope you have fun!”

Friend’s Husband: “Thanks, dude! See ya!”

Creepy Clown: “See ya later!” *goes back to creepy posture and voice, then turns toward my still-cowering friend* “BOO! I’ll see you later, as wellllll!” *laughs evilly and then runs off*

Friend’s Husband: * bursts into laughter*

Friend: “I HATE YOU ALL!”

This story is part of our Haunted Houses roundup!

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(I am assembling an exercise bike in my house when my cellphone rings. As I reach over and grab it, I bang my knee hard on one of the pedal mounts. It hurts, but I still answer the phone to talk to my friend. I was trying to ignore the pain and speak normally, but my voice must have been betraying me.)

Me: “Hello.”

Friend: “Hi, I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind going out to dinner tonight instead of tomorrow.

Me: “That’s fine.”

Friend: “…You’re sure that’s okay.”

Me: “Yeah, it’s fine.”

Friend: “Because if you really can’t I can still go out tomorrow.”

Me: “No, no, it’s fine. The reason my voice sounds somewhat stressed out isn’t because I am annoyed with you for changing our dinner plans. Right when I picked up the phone, I slammed my knee on this jagged piece of metal and it hurts so badly.”

Friend: “Oh!” *laughing*