Went To The Wrong Joint, Part 2

Friendly | February 14, 2014

Have You Not Heard The News?

| Friendly | February 14, 2014

(In our close knit community, newly married couples almost always start a family right away. So when a couple has been married several years with no children, we assume this is unintentional and we worry about them. I run into a friend and her husband on a street corner.)

Friend #1: “Have you seen [Friend #2] yet?”

Me: “No, I haven’t.”

Friend #1: *excitement coloring her voice* “You have to see [Friend #2]!”

Me: “Really?! That’s great news!”

Friend #1: “I know. I was so excited, I was practically jumping for joy!”

(Meanwhile, my friend’s husband is standing there laughing at us for sharing news without actually sharing news. Sure enough, when I saw Friend #2 later that night, she was quite obviously expecting!)

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A Push Too Far

| Friendly | February 14, 2014

(I overhear two ladies in casual conversation.)

Customer #1: “I don’t know why she is even still friends with you.”

Customer #2: “Oh, she thinks she just fell down the stairs. She doesn’t know I pushed her!”

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This Just Got Personal

| Friendly | February 13, 2014

(I am trying to call a woman I don’t know to invite her to a surprise party for a mutual friend.)

Woman: “Hello?”

Me: “Hi. I’m calling for [Name]?”

Woman: “Take me off your d*** list!”

Me: “I’m sorry. Is there a [Name] at this number?”

Woman: “You heard me. I demand that you take me off your list!”

Me: “I think I may have the wrong numb—”

Woman: “Are you taking me off your list?”

Me: “No, I’m just trying to get a hold of [Name]. Do I have the right number?”

Woman: “No! There is no ‘[Name]’ here! I don’t ever want to hear from you again! Put your supervisor on! I want a guarantee that you are taking my number off your list!”

Me: “Okay. This was actually supposed to be a personal call. I just dialed the wrong number.”

Woman: “Never call here again!”

Me: “Yeah, that’s generally how wrong-number calls work.”

(Two weeks after the party, my phone rang.)

Me: “Hello?”

Same Woman: “[Mutual Friend] said you planned her party. Why the h*** didn’t you invite me? I’m her oldest friend.”

Me: “Is this [Name]?”

Same Woman: “Yeah, it is.”

Me: “Sorry. I took you off my list.”

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They Wheely Need The Wine

Friendly | February 13, 2014