Spoon Fed Cookies

| Friendly | June 23, 2014

(My roommate has just received some cookies that she ordered from a fundraiser: about eight boxes, various kinds. I grumble to myself that I should have ordered some of my favorite kind.)

Roommate: “You’re welcome to have some if you’d like.”

Me: “Honestly, I would, but I don’t want to take them from you when you bought them.”

(My roommate opens the box of my favorite kind and gives me four.)

Me: “You are the greatest person.”

Roommate: “Oh, stop it. There are many great people in the world who do much better things than give you cookies. But thanks.”

(Two days later, we are at an eatery on campus with another friend, getting dinner. The friend and I have both forgotten to grab spoons.)

Friend: “I’ll just go get them for both of us.”

Me: “Aw, thanks! I would say you are the greatest person, but [Roommate] rejected that last time I used it.”

Roommate: “I just said there are people who do far greater things than giving her cookies.”

Friend: “Yes. Like giving you spoons.”

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Don’t Pick A Fight With A Dinosaur

| Friendly | June 22, 2014

(I’m playing with my toddler in the play area when an older woman comes in with her grandchildren.)

Grandma: “RAWR! I’m a dinosaur and I’m going to get you!”

(Her grandchildren scream and shriek in delight as she chases them around the play yard. A random lady walks by on the other side of the play yard’s fence yapping on her cell phone.)

Lady: *yelling at the grandma* “You ought to be ashamed of yourself, acting that way in public!”

Grandma: *while still chasing the kids* “Maybe you should mind your own business and go back to yammering loudly on your cell phone.”

(With a humph, the lady walked away.)

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Island-ed In The Wrong Spot

| Friendly | June 21, 2014

(A female friend of mine has taken a bunch of our male friends, including my boyfriend, out to a place known for it’s spicy chicken wings, trying to gather research about how people of different backgrounds handle spicy things differently. Later that day…)

Friend: “Could you edit my paper for me?”

Me: “Sure!”

(I start reading. I notice something odd.)

Me: “Uh, [Friend], this line where you mention that [My Boyfriend] is from Jamaica? He’s not from Jamaica, he’s—”

Friend: “Oh, I know, he’s African American and all, but I needed to have someone from the Caribbean in my research, so I fudged the facts a little.”

Me: “[My Boyfriend]’s family is from Antigua.”

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That Smell Is Villainous

| Friendly | June 20, 2014

(My friend and I are roommates. I had just finished using the restroom and he’s about to head in for a shower.)

Me: “I wouldn’t go in there for a bit.”

Roommate: “Is it bad?”

Me: “Bad enough to give you super powers.”

Roommate: “I’m going to go get super powers, then.”

(Seconds later, he walks out of the bathroom.)

Me: “Didn’t you want to get super powers?”

Roommate: “They’re not worth that.”

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Stringing You Along

| Friendly | June 20, 2014

(I play violin and viola in one of the youth orchestras for all four years of high school. My junior year, we are playing in the contemporary music festival. It was being held in our rehearsal space and at this point, musicians and everyone who hadn’t gotten seats yet are hanging out outside the hall, waiting for the last group to finish their performance. Because I’m bored, I look around for someone to talk to. Nearby is a nice-looking man who appears to be on his own.)

Me: “Hi. Do you know anyone performing?”

Man: “I do. My goddaughter is a violinist in [my orchestra].”

Me: “That’s great. What’s her name?”

Man: “[Name].”

Me: “I know her well. I was principal second violinist in her last orchestra and we were stand partners. She’s great!”

(At this point, he relaxes a little.)

Man: “I hope this doesn’t start much later. I have to catch a plane to New York.”

Me: “Are you going there for vacation?”

Man: “I’m playing a concert there tomorrow.”

Me: “How nice.”

(About ten minutes later, they let us in and my current stand partner leans over.)

Stand Partner: “What were you talking to [Internationally Acclaimed Soloist] about?!”

Me: “What?!”

Stand Partner: “You didn’t know?”

Me: “He said he’s [Name]’s] godfather!”

Stand Partner: “Yeah, you never heard that? Her parents have known him for years.”

Me: “I thought he was just a nice guy… ”

Stand Partner: “Have you never seen a picture?”

Me: “Worse. I have four of his CDs at home!”

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