Ferreting Out A Good Name

| Friendly | July 15, 2014

(My best friend and I are planning to rent an apartment together and we’ve found out that the apartment complex allows small pets. We’ve decided to get a ferret. He’s excited, but I’m ecstatic.)

Me: “Ooh, ooh, what should we name it?”

Friend: “We don’t even know if we’re getting a boy or a girl yet!”

Me: “So we’ll pick a boy name and a girl name. Or a gender-neutral name.”

Friend: *under his breath* “McSlayer…”

Me: “What?!”

Friend: “Nothing!”

Me: “We are NOT naming the ferret McSlayer!”

Friend: “YOU’RE not naming the ferret McSlayer…”

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Wasn’t Expecting That Twist

| Friendly | July 14, 2014

(The movie ‘Twister’ has just come out. My friend has become obsessed with the movie.)

Friend: “Man, tornado chasing seems cool. I want to do that when I get older.”

Me: “You?! We have to fight with you to get you to ride a roller coaster.”

Friend: “That’s different. Those things are dangerous.”

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Needs To Get Out Of That Hobbit Hole

| Friendly | July 14, 2014

(My best friend, a few other friends, and I are eating lunch together. Suddenly, one of my friends remembers she needs to pick up a form at the guidance office, which is a long walk away. Note that my best friend and I are huge fantasy geeks.)

Friend: “[Best Friend], can you come with me?”

Best Friend: “Sure. Can [My Name] come, too?”

Friend: “Okay.”

Best Friend: *to me* “Bilbo, stop sitting around and come join us on an adventure!”

Me: “All right, Gandalf, I’m coming.”

Friend: “… What?”

Best Friend: “It’s The Hobbit.”

Friend: “Huh?”

Me: *facepalm*

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IOU On Low IQ

| Friendly | July 14, 2014

(My roommate and I buy our supplies separately, and are relaxed about giving or ‘lending’ things to each other. She is a professor, but sometimes her logical thinking capacities get overtaxed and seem to have thrown in the towel during her free moments. We’re in a shop aisle.)

Roommate: “Here, take these two jars of pineapple. I still owe them to you.”

Me: “Riiight. Think about that for a second. You want to ‘give’ them to me before we each check out?”

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Some Compliments Can Creep Up On You

| Friendly | July 13, 2014

(I have just signed in at reception for an appointment, while an elderly man is headed for the door. I have long hair; it ends just above my bum.)

Elderly Man: “Mornin'”

Me: “Good morning.”

Elderly Man: “You have lovely hair you know.”

Me: “Thanks.”

Elderly Man: “It would look lovely draped over my silk pink cushion.”

(The elderly man leaves the office at a pace I did not realize he could move at.)

Me: “Erm… thanks?”

Receptionist: “It was a sort of compliment, I guess…”

(Luckily, I have not seen that man at the doctor’s again!)

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