A Hard Ruling

| Friendly | May 23, 2014

(In middle school we took a trip to a theme park. I was reading the rules for a ride.)

Me: “Please keep head erect.”

Friend #1: “Wait, what?”

Friend #2: “You know what that means, right?”

Me: “No…” *clicks* “Oh, my god! I did not just say that!”

(We are now in our 20s and I still hear about it.)

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They Have To Spell It Out To You

| Friendly | May 22, 2014

(I’m quite well-known in the social circle in a certain pub, and although I’m not close to anyone I tend to get on well with every other regular. On this night, there’s a pub quiz. The question was about boats.)

Guy #1: “Hmm… Oh, I think the answer is ‘canoe’!”

Guy #2: “Could be. We going to go with that?”

(We all agree and the group leader writes ‘kanoo.’)

Me: “Oh, that’s spelled “C.A.N.O.E.”

Group Leader: *stares at me* “Oh. Well, I’m not good at spelling. I’m dyslexic.”

Me: *slightly awkward* “Sorry, didn’t know that.”

Guy #2: “I am too, actually.”

Me: *joking* “Heh, don’t tell me I’m the spelling smarta** in a group of dyslexics!”

Guy #3: “Well, actually…”

Guy #4: “Pretty much, yeah.”

(I was far too embarrassed to think of a decent way to reply! Whoops.)

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Doesn’t Believe In Skirting Around The Issue

| Friendly | May 22, 2014

(I am at a sci/fi fantasy convention, walking around the dealer room, when I

overhear this interaction.)

Woman: “People need to realize that celebrities are regular people. They put their pants on one leg at a time like everyone else.”

Man: *in a kilt, passing by* “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I haven’t put pants on in years.”

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Pirates Of The Confirmation

| Friendly | May 22, 2014

(I’m going to see the pastor of my church for an hour of instruction before my confirmation. Outside is a small class of about 10 preschoolers in the four-to-five age range. It is a cool day and I arrive on my Harley dressed in black leather, sunglasses, a bright purple bandanna on my head, and a red one around my neck. As I walk up to the front door to be let in, I hear this exchange, which completely made my day.)

Girl: *in hushed but audible voice to boy next to her* “Look! It’s a pirate!”

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Far Too Blues Collared To Get It

| Friendly | May 21, 2014

(I am getting ready to leave school for the evening when I notice that Friend #1 has a very perplexed look on her face.)

Me: “[Friend #1], is something wrong?”

Friend #1: “I just found out that [Friend #2] is a smoker. I can’t believe it.”

Me: “What? I’m pretty sure [Friend #2] doesn’t smoke.”

Friend #1: “I just heard him say that he had a full tank of gas and half a pack of cigarettes.”

Me: “Did he also say, ‘It’s dark and I’m wearing sunglasses?'”

Friend #1: “Yeah, how did you know?”

Me: *laughing* “[Friend #2] doesn’t smoke.”

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