They’re Not Fooling With Their Carpooling

| Friendly | May 28, 2014

(Five of us meet at my and Friend #1’s apartment and carpool to go out skating. Now we are going home. Friend #1 is driving. Friends #2 & #3 don’t have cars. I’m originally from Alaska.)

Friend #1: “[Friend #2], where are you spending the night? Should I bring [Friend #3] back to our apartment, and you can go to his parent’s place with him later, or should I just drop him off at his parent’s place now?”

Friend #2: “That is… a very good question. I don’t know where I’m staying tonight. [Friend #3], where am I staying tonight?”

Friend #3: “Uh…”

Friend #1: “We’re trying to decide where I’m dropping you off. Am I taking you to your parent’s place, or are you coming back to the apartment first?”

Friend #3: “I don’t know…”

Friend #2: “Either way, I’m ending up at [Friend #3]’s parent’s house, so unless you want me walking alone, at night, through [rough part of town], he’s coming back to our apartment.

Friend #1: “Good point. Okay.”

Friend #4: “As long as you guys won’t be too long, I can always drive you. My car is back at the apartment.”

Friend #2: “That would be perfect.”

Friend #3: “Well, that was a lot more complicated than it needed to be. Could we have made that any more complicated?”

Friend #1: “Okay, [Friend #3]. First, I’m going to drop [My Name] at your parent’s house. Then I’m going to drop all of you off at the apartment, go pick up [Friend #5], and then maybe hit a grocery store.

Friend #3: “And then we’re all going to Alaska!”

Me: “Normally, I would be fine with that, but last time I talked to my aunt, it was -20 in Anchorage.”

Friend #3: “And then we’re all going to Florida!”

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Righting The Wrong Rights

| Friendly | May 27, 2014

(I am driving with my friend. My friend is giving me directions to a store she wants to visit. Unfortunately, no matter which direction she wants me to turn, she always tells me to turn right. After making three right turns with her yelling that she meant for me to turn the other way, I have stopped trusting her directions entirely.)

Friend: “Make a right at this light.”

Me: “Wait, do you mean right-right or left-right?”

Friend: “Left-right.”

Me: “Okay, good.” *turns left*

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Sound Effects For The Special Effects

| Friendly | May 27, 2014

(My best friend and I decide to have a sleepover since her parents are out of town. We make popcorn, build a pillow fort, and turn on Netflix to watch the Avengers movie. It’s past midnight. We’ve each had a glass of alcoholic beverages and we’re getting tired.)

Me: “Those alien whale thingies are funny.”

Friend: *nod* “I like them.”

Me: “Watch! They go rawr nom nom nom then pew pew pew with the alien guys shooting out of their sides!”

(Flailing arm movements.)

Friend: “We really need someone to film our commentary!”

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Something Stranger Happened

| Friendly | May 27, 2014

(This happens at my aunt’s house during my sister-in-law’s bridal shower while she is opening presents. Everyone is sitting in the living room, half of which can be seen from the front door. A man suddenly comes in and walks toward the kitchen. Though I don’t recognize him, I assume he’s either my uncle’s friend or someone from my sister-in-law’s family. No one really reacts much to the man walking through the front hall.)

Sister-In-Law: “Aww, this is such a cute card. Thank you!”

Sister-In-Law’s Sister: “Here, open this one next.”

(The man comes back to the front hall and stares at all of the women at the bridal shower confusedly.)

Grandma: “Oh, hello! Would you like to sit down and open presents with us?”

Man: “I don’t recognize anyone here. I think I have the wrong house.”

(He walks out the front door. Everyone is silent for a few seconds.)

Aunt: “Who was that?”

Sister-In-Law’s Aunt: “Wait, you don’t know him? I thought he was your husband or something.”

Aunt: “No. I thought he was from your side of the family.”

Mom: “Does anyone know who he was?”

(No one does. My mom and aunt quickly get up to check that he really left and hadn’t taken anything.)

Me: “Did that actually just happen?”

Sister-In-Law: “Yeah. Well, now I have an interesting story about my bridal shower.”

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Forgot That Particular Detail

, | Friendly | May 26, 2014

(I work as security at a linear accelerator, operated by a famous university. We regularly get tourists pulling up and asking questions.)

Tourist: “So what does this lab do?”

Me: “The linear accelerator is a miles long tool that scientists use to look at subatomic particles.”

Tourist: “Well, I hope none of those particles come near me!”

Me: “Ma’am. I wouldn’t worry too much about that. You’re made of subatomic particles.”

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