Complaining About Nothing

| Friendly | June 6, 2014

(It’s winter break, and my group of friends is back from college. We’ve kind of fallen apart, but we still want to form a get-together with all of us. Although one friend has expressed interest, she’s incredibly busy and doesn’t have any free time at all. Eventually, winter break ends; the get-together never happens. After everyone has returned to college, I communicate over IM with this friend.)

Friend: “I was working seven days a week, but I have some time off now.”

Me: “Good! Your schedule was really gross. That wasn’t a vacation at ALL!”

Friend: “I could’ve requested time off earlier, but I didn’t because I was waiting for you or [Best Friend] to let me know when you wanted to hang out.”

Me: “Uh, what?”

Friend: “I have always instigated get-togethers, and I felt like we wouldn’t hang out if I wasn’t the one making plans. So, I guess I was right…”

Me: “Um, [Friend]… Look, you’re really sociable, but [Best Friend] and I aren’t good at social stuff at all. You KNOW that. I’m sorry, but you shouldn’t have left it all up to us.”

Friend: “I know, but I feel like if you guys actually wanted to get together, you would have mentioned something…”

Me: “But… I did. I was posting my schedule online, letting everyone know when I had free time, and asking if you guys wanted to come to my house. It really would’ve been more helpful if you picked a day that you wanted off. I think we would’ve worked around your schedule. I just didn’t get any input from you or [Friend #2].”

Friend: “Anyway, it’s not like I didn’t plan anything so that I could have a reason to be mad. Which I’m not mad! I just wanted to see what would happen if I didn’t say anything, even though I wanted us to all get together and hang out like we used to.”

Me: “Well, I wanted to, too, and I feel bad that we didn’t, but I’m not pointing fingers at anyone.”

Friend: “I’m not pointing fingers.”

Me: “But y’know, we all have a part in the planning… The summer before, we got together a lot thanks to you. But I was able to make plans, too, so long as everyone told me when they would be free and what they wanted to do.”

Friend: “I said I wasn’t pointing fingers. I was proving a point to myself.”

Me: “[Friend], it IS pointing fingers because you told me your thought process. You decided that it was up to me and [Best Friend] to plan everything, and then since nothing happened, you decided that it was because of us. But y’know what? I think something would’ve worked out if everyone actually put forward some effort. You hardly proved anything besides the fact that if you just wait and do nothing, nothing’s going to happen.”

(She suddenly dropped the point after that.)

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Saving Yourself From An Ocean Of Troubles

| Friendly | June 5, 2014

(A friend and I are discussing my upcoming wedding and the conversation turns to the honeymoon.)

Friend: “So, where are you going for your honeymoon?”

Me: “I don’t know. My dream is to go to Ireland but we don’t have a whole lot of money right now so that probably won’t happen.”

Friend: “If you do go to Ireland, I’ll stow away in the trunk!”

Me: “… In the trunk of my car?”

Friend: “Yes.”

Me: “As I somehow drive my car across the Atlantic Ocean?”

Friend: “Oh, right…”

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You Reap What You Tow

| Friendly | June 5, 2014

(The apartment complex where I live has assigned parking and they are super strict about it. Each resident is assigned the parking spot that matches their apartment number and the parking spot is included in the terms of the lease. Visitors are required to park their cars in the spots labeled ‘visitor,’ of which there are plenty. There are signs that explain this and state that violators will be towed at owner’s expense. I’m pulling into the parking lot when I notice a car pulling into my assigned spot. I park behind the car and wave down the driver, a female in her early 20s.)

Me: “Excuse me. I’m so sorry, but I’m afraid you need to move your car. You’re in my spot.”

Driver: *points to an empty spot that assigned to my neighbor* “There is a spot right there. Just park your car there.”

Me: “Yeah, that spot belongs to the lady who lives on the second floor over there. I’m sure you didn’t noticed that each spot is numbered; that means it’s reserved for the resident of that apartment. ”

Driver: “Yeah, yeah, whatever. Look, I’m not moving. I got here first. Just get over your OCD or whatever and park somewhere else.”

Me: “Whoa… Hey, I’m just trying to let you know that you’re parked in the wrong spot. You’re a visitor. You need to park in visitor parking. I actually live here. I pay to rent the property that I live in and this parking spot is included in that. That means I pay for this specific spot. You are quite literally parked on my property and I’m asking you to move.”

Driver: *gets out of her car and starts to walk away* “Look, b****, I’m not f****** moving. You can have it whenever I leave tomorrow.”

Me: “I’m going to ask you one more time to move your car. Otherwise I will have to call the manager and have this issue resolved.”

Driver: *laughs* “Yeah, you do that.”

(I parked my car and walked over to see the apartment manager. I explained what happened. He made a few phone calls, and within an hour, a tow-truck came and moved her car. I had a good view from my balcony of her begging and attempting to bribe the tow-truck operator not to take her car away. She flipped me off as she watched her car drive off and ran back to her friends. Lucky me, I haven’t seen her around since.)

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Dying To Move To Ontario

| Friendly | June 5, 2014

(I am talking online with a friend from university who lives in another province, who I haven’t spoken to in some time.)

Friend: “I miss you so much, [My Name]!”

Me: “Likewise!”

Friend: “And you’re in Ontario now?”

Me: “I am, in Ottawa.”

Friend: “Living?”

Me: “Well, I’m not dead…”

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Having A Crack At Looking Nice

| Friendly | June 4, 2014

(I usually come to school wearing sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt or sweatshirt, but today I have a presentation so I dress up a little in jeans and a nice top. My friend notices this.)

Friend: “Hey, I like your shirt!”

Me: “Thanks!”

Friend: “I just can’t believe you look nice for once!”

Me: “Uh, thanks? What’s that supposed to mean, anyway?”

Friend: “It’s just that you always look more…”

Me: “… relaxed?”

Friend: *at the same time as me* “… like a crack addict.”

Me: “…”

Friend: “Wait, no, that sounded bad! I meant to say—”

Friend #2: “Dude, just quit while you’re ahead.”

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