(We’re having a party that’s just wrapping up. One friend has clearly had too much to drink.)
Me: “[Friend], you need to stay here tonight. You are in no condition to drive.”
Friend: “What? Are you saying I’m drunk?”
Everyone: “Yes!”
Friend: “C’mon guys. I had a few dr—” *burp* “—drinks, but I’m not—” *hic* “—drunk!
Me: “That’s not helping your case there, buddy.”
(I am at a major hardware warehouse looking for some things, and I go to an employee to help me.)
Me: “Hi. My boyfriend gave me a list of things we need, but I don’t know what most of these things are. Can you help me find them, please?”
Employee: “Sure.”
Woman Near Us: “You know, you shouldn’t be like this. Women can be mechanics and fix things as well! Don’t fall into gender restrictions, and be a powerful woman.”
Me: *startled by this outburst, but deciding to be polite anyway* “Uh… okay. I’m just really not interested in this stuff. And it’s not like I’m falling into gender restrictions; I’m attending law school.”
Woman Near Us: *ignoring me, continuing rant* “And why are you fetching this stuff for your man? He shouldn’t use you like this! Men, they’re pigs.”
Me: “He’s at home, taking care of the baby…”
(Star Wars: The Force Awakens has just come out. I just got home from the premier but my friend is going to wait a day before seeing it, and he’s very insistent that nobody ruin it for him.)
Me: “Here’s a spoiler for you… He caves in and eats the eggs and the ham… and it was his sled.”
Friend: “I hate you.”
Me: “And Bruce Willis was dead the whole time.”
(During a trip to India we were having dinner in a restaurant. Anytime we tried to serve ourselves from the dishes on the table, a waiter would hurry over and stop us, telling us it was their job to do that. Not wanting to offend them, we would wait for a waiter to come every time. However it was a busy night. At one point, my friend wanted more butter chicken.)
Me: “Okay. I’ll keep watch and you just take some.”
(My friend just started to scoop some butter chicken when I saw the waiter coming our way.)
Me: “The waiter’s coming! Abort! Abort!”
(Everyone else at the table collapsed in laughter.)
(I am meeting one of my mother’s friends at church. I am a fourteen-year-old girl with a mild fear of dogs due to traumatic past experiences involving the neighbor’s terrier. I also am ‘weird’ in that I love snakes, lizards, and all other animals, and keep a pet corn snake whom I love very, very much.)
Friend: “So do you have any pets?”
Me: “Oh, yes, ma’am. I have four African Dwarf frogs, a part-Siamese cat, and a corn snake.”
Friend: *recoils* “Ew, a snake? I hate snakes!”
(I get this reaction a lot, which I find rather rude, but being a shy and typically non-confrontational person, I usually grin and bear it.)
Me: “I see. Did you have a bad incident with a snake or something?”
Friend: “No, they’re just ugly. I have a pet dog.”
Me: *feeling a little upset still* “Oh, I’m scared of dogs.”
Friend: “What? Why? You have a snake but a dog scares you?”
Me: “Well, you see, a snake has never chased me down the streets and nearly gotten me hit by a car on multiple occasions.”
Friend: “…”
