It’s About To Get Dicey

| Dallas, TX, USA | Friendly | February 12, 2014

(I’m running three six-hour adventures as part of my volunteer duties at the 2006 A-Kon. The third adventure, when all the characters are advanced to high powered versions, has a player who tells me that it is her first time ever playing a tabletop RPG. Two of the players have played both the earlier adventures choosing the drider-girl and FBI agent each time, and another two are long-time friends of mine. The remaining two players are friends of the newbie.)

New Player: “Is it going to be hard?”

Me: “Not at all. The hardest part about this game is making the character. But I use pre-generated characters at conventions to avoid that.”

Agent Player: “And he’s been a really good GM. I love this story line.”

Drider Player: “We’ve been in both of his other events. And this is a really great system.”

New Player: “I’m just worried about keeping track of all the information.”

Me: “Well, I put info on all your dragon-girl’s powers and abilities on the sheet. I’ve done all the math already. Also, I have a copy of your character so I can make sure you’re good. This is basically the same as playing cops and robbers as a little kid. The rules and dice only exist for two reasons, really.”

New Player: “Oh? What are those?”

Me: “A: if there is a dispute they prevent things from falling to endless ‘No I’m not,’ ‘Yes you are’ arguments. And B: when you roll a high number it gives you an excuse to go ‘Ooooooh’ and say how cool and awesome you are.”

(The experienced players agree with me. Later, the new player decides to have her dragon girl do a strafing run on a bunch of banshee-like space invaders and she rolls a bunch of successive critical successes.)

Me: “Your fire breath cuts a line straight through the oncoming hordes and incinerates everyone it touches.”

New Player: “Ooooooooooh”

Table: “One of us! One of us! One of us!”

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Has No Style With An Alternative Lifestyle

| IL, USA | Friendly | February 12, 2014

(My kids and I may be a bit unusual in that so-called alternative lifestyles have never phased us. People are just people. We are shopping in our local store when some college boys enter. They are obviously taking part in some fraternity prank. All are in extremely dressy gowns complete with makeup, jewelry, stockings, and purses. After failing to get a reaction from my kids and me, they start following us through the store getting more and more outrageous. One practically threw his purse in front of my cart. I stop and wait for him to retrieve it, giving him a little smile.)

College Boy: “Well, s***! What do I have to do? Flash you?”

Amazed They Passed The Bar

| Hobart, TAS, Australia | Friendly | February 11, 2014

(We are at a bar getting drinks, and it’s my round. We like to mix things up a bit with what we have.)

Me: “Hi. I would like to get two vodka, lemon, lime, and bitters please.”

Friend: “Do they have alcohol in them?”

Me: “Does a vodka, lemon, lime, and bitters have alcohol in it?”

Friend: “Yeah, because that’s what I always order when I have to drive as I didn’t think it was alcoholic.”

Me: “Let me get this straight. You order a drink with VODKA in the title and you think it doesn’t have alcohol in it?”

Friend: “Yeah…”

(The worst part is she is now a practicing lawyer.)

Cooking Up Some Good Ideas

| USA | Friendly | February 11, 2014

(My friend lives across the country from me. Every year I send him both Christmas and birthday presents. He usually gets mad at me as soon as he gets them. This year, because I got sick right before Christmas, I sent him his gift late. A few days after the ‘expected’ arrival date I text him.)

Me: “Did you get a box from me?”

Friend: “No… Why would I get a box from you?”

Me: “I sent a box last week. It was supposed to get to you on Tuesday.”

Friend: “Oh… No…”

Me: “Hmm.”

Friend: “Why are you sending me stuff, anyway?”

Me: “I didn’t send a Christmas present this year and you seem to want to try the Amish friendship bread.”

Friend: “Oh, ok… Thank you.”

Me: “Why are you thanking me? You didn’t get it.”

Friend: “It’s the thought that counts.”

Me: “Not when it comes to food. Have you ever tried eating thoughts?”

Friend: “Jerk.”

The True Price Of Friendship

| CA, USA | Friendly | February 11, 2014

(When I was in high school I used to drive my best friend home since we lived right next to each other. However, I would buy us lunch almost every time since I had a job and he did not. I didn’t mind it since his family was a little low on funds and I had extra money from not paying rent. Fast forward four years when his family invites me over for Christmas Day dinner.)

Friend’s Mom: “I can remember back when you two were in high school.”

Me: “I don’t miss high school and I especially don’t miss buying four burgers for this idiot.”

Friend’s Mom: “What are you talking about? I gave him $20 every day so he could get you food since you were driving.”

Me: “… I never got it.”

(I look over at my friend in disbelief.)

Friend: “Friendship!”

(And, yes, we are still best friends.)

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