Getting Testy(s) With The Alphabet

| Friendly | April 11, 2014

(I am a female. Two male friends and I are driving back from a concert.)

Friend #1: “By the way, I have a gig coming up. It’s at [Location that begins with ‘B’].”

Me: “Where’s that?”

Friend #2: “Close to [Other Location].”

Me: “Never heard of it. It starts with a ‘P’?”

Friend #1: “No, it’s ‘B’. ‘B’ for ball-hair.”

Friend #2: “Ball-hair?”

Friend #1: “Yeah, you know. Ball-hair.”

Friend #2: “Was that seriously the first word with a ‘B’ you could come up with?”

Me: *trying not to giggle* “It’s all right, guys. Now I’ll definitely remember it!”

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Stupid Friends Are A Hobbitual Hazard

, | Friendly | April 11, 2014

(We’re having a movie night at the youth club, and a couple of counselors and I are discussing movies. I’m a 20-year-old female, Friend #1 is a 16-year-old female and Friend #2 is a 15-year-old male.)

Friend #1: *after Friend #2 and I discussed ‘127 Hours’* “No, I don’t want to see that! Why would you tell me how it ends?”

Me: “Really? It’s based on a 10-year-old real event; it’s not like it’s a spoiler.”

Friend #1: “It is when I haven’t heard the story!”

Me: “There was even a book about it. It’s like when people complain about The Hobbit spoilers when the book came out 70 years ago.”

Friend #1: “The book and the movie are two different things!”

Me: “No, not really.”

Friend #1: “Whatever. What’s this about?” *picks up movie*

Friend #2: “It’s your typical surfer movie. You know, all about catching that big wave.”

Friend #1: “Are there any cute guys in it?”

Friend #2: “Sure.”

Me: “Yeah, him!” *points to the male lead*

Friend #1: “Really? Who is he?”

Me: “You’re kidding, right? That’s Gerard Butler.”

Friend #1: “Don’t know him. Wait, his name is Butler? Isn’t that like a house-cleaner person?”

Me: “Do I even know you?”

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That’s Her Story And She’s Sticking To It

| Friendly | April 11, 2014

(My boyfriend used to share an apartment with my best friend and her boyfriend. My best friend would Skype her mother at least once a week, with her laptop screen facing towards the wall behind her. Her mother would often ask who was making noises in the background.)

Friend’s Mother: “What’s that noise?!”

Friend: “Oh that’s [Friend #2]. He just got home.”

(Another noise.)

Friend’s Mother: “What’s going on over there?”

Friend: “That’s [Boyfriend]. HEY, [Boyfriend]! SHUT UP, YA BUTT!”

Boyfriend: “NEVER!”

(Since her mom has never met me or my boyfriend, she apparently refused to believe he was real. One day my friend came up with a solution.)

Friend: “Hey, mom! Meet [Boyfriend]!”

(She holds up a little stick figure with a photo of my boyfriend’s face taped over the head.)

Friend: *moving stickman* “Wah wah wah, I’m [Boyfriend]!”

(Her mom cracked up laughing. That stickman is still around, and gets a change of outfit every holiday…)

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A Means To Flatter To Forget The Matter

| Friendly | April 10, 2014

(I just finished scolding a group of kids at the library for running around, screaming their heads off, knocking dozens of books off of shelves, sitting on chairs they put on the couches, and using bookends as skates.)

Girl: *talking to her friends but pointing at me* “See that really pretty girl over there? She yelled at us!”

(They are forgiven.)

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Doesn’t Like The Direction This Is Going

| Friendly | April 10, 2014

(My friend and I are trying to creep each other out.)

Friend: “I’ll tell you about all the fantasies I’ve had about One Direction… IN DETAIL.”

Me: “That’s great. But I can tell you all about stuff that me and [My Boyfriend] have done.” *I lean in closer* “Actual. True. Occurrences.”

Friend: “… You win.”

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