Attack Of The Contrarian Librarian

| Friendly | August 3, 2014

(I have recently moved into a new house with four roommates. I get along really well with three of them; the fourth one seems nice but I almost never see her. On my birthday, the first three take me out to the bar. We come home very late, very drunk.)

Me: “Hey, thanks so much. You guys are so awesome! I love you!”

Roommate #1: “Aw, we love you, too!”

Me: “It’s just too bad [Other Roommate] couldn’t come.”

Roommate #2: “Yeah, she’s really busy all the time.”

Roommate #3: “It’s a shame.”

(They go on in this vein for a few more minutes about how it’s too bad they never see [Other Roommate].)

Me: “What is it she does again?”

(There is a deep, massive voice that comes from [Other Roommate’s] bedroom.)

Other Roommate: “SHUT UP AND GO TO BED!”

Roommate #1: “She’s a librarian.”


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Another Way Of Being Half-Naked

, | Friendly | August 1, 2014

(My choir has a concert on the weekend and our conductor is telling us the details of it, such as when and where to arrive, what uniform we’re wearing, etc…)

Conductor: “I want you to arrive semi-dressed.”

(The entire choir starts laughing.)

Conductor: “Tha— that came out wrong.”

(She wanted us to come partly in uniform so we could change quickly.)

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Dial Down The Tech Speak

| Friendly | August 1, 2014

(I’m a bit of a tech-head, and because I’m studying IT I’m used to spending time around people who know basic IT terminology. I’m at a friend’s house with another one of her friends who I don’t know so well, and my friend is trying to talk her into staying the night so she doesn’t have to drive home at 2 am.)

Friend: “Come on, I’ve got a spare bed! I’m worried about you driving home. You live 30 minutes away.”

Acquaintance: “But I don’t have my phone charger!” *jokingly* “If the rest of you had iPhones then it wouldn’t be a problem.”

Me: *also joking* “Well, maybe you should get an Android phone then. They all come with micro-USBs.”

(She just looks at me and blinks.)

Acquaintance: “I… have no idea what you just said. Was that supposed to sound like English?”

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Cosplay Makes My Day

, | Friendly | August 1, 2014

(I’m at an anime convention, and go to a fast food place down the road from the hotel. There’s also a big biker’s event nearby, and the building is crowded with rather intimidating men. As I have my cosplay on still, I fear harassment. While waiting for a table, one of the bikers comes up to me.)

Biker: “Hey, I love your outfit. Did you make that yourself?”

Me: “Uh… Yeah… Thanks…”

Biker: “Do you mind if I take a picture?”

Me: “Oh, not at all. Go ahead!”

(He takes a quick picture, then goes back to his table. Later, I ask my waitress for my bill, and she shakes her head.)

Waitress: “Someone else paid for your meal. And he said to give you this.”

(She hands me a note.)

Note: “Thank you for letting me take a picture of your cosplay. My son is home with cancer, and loves [Anime]. I sent him the picture, and he’s smiled for the first time since he got sick. Thank you.”

(I almost started crying. I didn’t see the man after that.)

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Camping Out Is Out

| Friendly | July 31, 2014

(My group of friends and I are all very experienced outdoorsmen so our camping trips are really roughing it: typically, a six-or-so mile hike with minimal equipment so we can live off of the land as much as possible. My friend’s new girlfriend decides she wants to come with us. She shows up the day of the trip with four bags including things like a hair dryer.)

Me: “Why are you bringing all this? Didn’t [Friend] tell you to pack light?”

Girl: “Well, I did. I only brought the stuff I need.”

Me: “Uh, not really. You don’t even have any food.”

Girl: “I’ll just go to a restaurant or something.”

(After we arrive in the mountains to begin our hike up.)

Girl: “Where are the cabins?”

Me:” There aren’t any.”

Girl:” Then where are we staying?”

Me:” In the woods, about seven miles that way.”

Girl:“…Are you kidding?”

Me:” Nope. I thought [Friend] told you we were camping?”

Girl: “He did. I just thought he was kidding about being out in the woods. Like, we would be in cabins like summer camp.”

(That was her last camping trip.)

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