(I am currently hanging out with my sister and her roommate, discussing how we’d react to being sent to Hogwarts.)
Sister’s Roommate: “Well, I’m assuming I’m a mudblood, not pureblood, so all the magic would be new and exciting.”
Sister: “The term is Muggle-Born, not mudblood. You will not use this racist terminology in my house!”
Me: “I mean, technically this is her house too.”
Sister’s Roommate: “I can be as racist as I want!”
(I’m playing a bomb-disposal game with some friends, where one person has to disarm a bomb on their computer while the other people use a manual to tell them what to do without being able to see the screen. The bombs consist of multiple modules, one of which is a dial, which you have to point in a specific direction. It makes its first appearance, and the disarmer tries to tell us so:)
Friend: *loud and panicked* “Guys! I’ve got a weird knob!”
(We immediately burst out laughing and said friend took a while to realise why.)
(It’s the day before my birthday and I have just received an enormous package, about which my roommate is inordinately excited.)
Roommate: “Oooooh, what is it? Who sent it? It’s huge!”
(She continues on in this vein while I slice open the packing tape.)
Me: “It’s not that exciting, [Roommate].”
Roommate: “Good things come in big packages! Is it a pillow? A TV? Something for the kitchen?”
(I finally get it open and pull back the flaps to reveal…)
Roommate: “…Cat food and toilet paper?”
Me: “Yup. Told you it wasn’t exciting.”
(She was completely crestfallen and I have no idea why, since it wasn’t even her package!)
(Three friends and I go out for dinner while home from college. The check comes back split into two, the restaurant can’t split more than two ways. As such, we split each check between two people. Friend #1 and I are splitting a check, and Friends #2 and #3 the other.)
Me: “I have $15, which will cover my half, but only leaves $2 to tip. Could I pay you back tomorrow for the extra $1?”
Friend #1: “You’re tipping 20%? This is a buffet. You should only tip 5 to 10%.”
Me: “Okay… I guess.”
(I put down my spare $2 on the table, not sure what else to do and not being comfortable forcing my friend to lend me money. Friend #1 gets up to deliver the check to the front, at which point I realize she hasn’t left any tip, having decided that my $2 was enough on a $30 bill.)
Friend #3: “Is that your tip?”
Me: “Yeah, but [Friend #1] thinks it’s too much…”
(Friend #3 doesn’t respond, and now I’m more anxious about the poor tipping because I think Friend #3 is judging me. That is, until get into the car…)
Friend #3: *holding something in her hands*
Me: “What is that?”
Friend #3: “I took your tip.”
Me: “What?”
Friend #3: “Yeah, [Friend #4] shorted me, and [Friend #1] said you were over tipping, so I took it to make up what’s owed me.”
Me: “First of all, if [Friend #4] owes you money, then taking MY money isn’t fixing that. Second of all, that’s the only tip from our check! Now [Friend #1] and I haven’t tipped at all!”
Friend #3: “It’s a buffet! They don’t do anything. Why do they deserve a tip?”
Me: “Just give me my $2 back. I’m not arguing about this.”
Friend #1: “Jesus, [Friend #3], give her her money back. Argue with [Friend #4] if you guys split the check wrong.”
(Friend #3 eventually gave the money back to me, Friend #4 silent the entire time. I went back the next day on my own, and gave $10 to the cashier and explained the situation. He added it to the tip pool for that night. Friend #3 and I don’t really talk any more.)
(I have been diagnosed with cancer and have been going through chemotherapy, so I’m completely bald. I am walking in a local park when a young man I have never seen before walks up behind me.)
Man: “You have a great head for that. Most women can’t pull it off.”
Me: *startled because I didn’t see him at first* “Oh! Thank you!”
Man: “You look awesome. Have a nice day.” *he walks away before I can say goodbye*
(20 years later I am perfectly healthy and bald on purpose. I still receive compliments for my baldness.)
