Deaf To Your Blindness

| Dallas, TX, USA | Friendly | April 21, 2014

(Two older, tenured professors have been friends for many, many years, and they’re working on a large professional association committee, planning a conference. One of the association administrators is making sure every single one of the 200+ programs has a committee member present at the program during the conference.)

Administrator: “[Faculty #1], for all your programs [Student] will be your assistant. She’s over there in the corner.”

Faculty #1: “Hold on. Let me put my glasses on so I can hear.”

Administrator: “You need your glasses to hear?”

Faculty #2: *from across the room* “Don’t be sitting over there acting like you can hear! I’ve always been your eyes!”

Sex Sells; No Refunds

| CA, USA | Friendly | April 21, 2014

(My best friend and I are texting. We’re both a few months away from graduating middle school. She is terrified of anything remotely sexual, and I’ve said something that apparently crossed her boundaries with that.)

Best Friend: “EW! EEEW!”

Me: “… I am so sorry for this comment, but if this is how you react to sex throughout high school, then you are probably going to have a tough time with losing your virginity.”

Best Friend: “EEEW! I’m keeping that for a while, thank you very much. I only have one and there is no warranty.”

Me: “… Best. Remark. Ever.”

No Need To Get Shirty About It

| Bolingbrook, IL, USA | Friendly | April 20, 2014

(My sons and I decided to try an experiment wherein we found a reason to compliment at least three people a day. We were doing this in our local store, telling people they had a nice shirt, had handled a situation well, or some such thing. When I told an elderly woman she had a pretty shirt, she just stares at me.)

Elderly Woman: “Are you stupid or something?”

Making A Meal Out Of It

| Houston, TX, USA | Friendly | April 19, 2014

(I stay overnight at a hotel with my friend. They serve a continental breakfast. I get a small bowl of cereal, a banana, and a mini muffin.)

Friend: *looking at what I got* “GEEZ! You’re THAT hungry?!”

(I look at her breakfast….she’s got a waffle, cereal, banana, yogurt, AND a donut!)

Me: “Um, what do you call what you have? Not food?”

(She looked at me like a deer in headlights. That was four years ago, and she still to this day thinks that I had more than her!)

Boy Meets Girl, Literally

| New York, NY, USA | Friendly | April 18, 2014

(I am eating in a restaurant, when a boy about my age (sixteen) walks up.)

Boy: “Hello, girl.”

Me: “Hello, boy.”

Boy: “I love you.”

Me: “I love you, too.”

Boy: “Marry me.”

Me: “Marry you.”

(Suddenly, the boy laughs and holds up a fist. We bro-fist, and laugh together.)

Boy: “Thanks so much for playing along! Here’s my number. We should hang out sometime!”

(Three years later and we’re still the closest of friends.)

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