(I have worked at a hotel for about 10 years. My best friend and I both enjoy it when I come across strange or unusual names of guests who check in, so I often will text her and tell her the name. On this particular night I’ve come across one I was particularly amused by, so I text my best friend.)

Me: “There is a guest in house tonight with the name of Rhombus [Last Name]. I think I would hate to be named after a shape.”

Best Friend: “Maybe his parents were high?”

Me: “Maybe.”

Best Friend: “You would be Parallelogram [Middle and Last Name].”

Me: “Parallelogram, Seriously? I thought I was more of an Octahedron. Or Maybe a Dodecahedron.”

(I am a collegiate athlete. One day after practice our team is taking ice baths to soothe our muscles. As we are drying off, I notice my towel is missing.)

Me: “Hey! What happened to my towel?”

(One of my teammates rushes over and hands me my dripping wet towel.)

Teammate #1: “Oh, this was yours? Whoops. Sorry, bro. I thought this was mine.”

(He then proceeds to run off. I stand there confused since our towels look nothing alike but I think nothing of it and move on. A few minutes later…)

Teammate #2: “Hey! Did someone take my towel?”

(Teammate #1 rushes over to Teammate #2 and hand him his towel which also looks nothing like Teammate #1’s.)

Teammate #1: “Oh, this was yours? Whoops. Sorry, bro. I thought this was mine.”

(I think what he really meant was that he didn’t bring a towel and was simply looking to take someone else’s without them noticing.)

(I work at a retail store and overhear this conversation between two customers.)

Customer #1: “I have to buy this shirt!”

Customer #2: “But it’s not even your size.”

Customer #1: “I can give it to my daughter. I have to have it. One of my Sims has a shirt just like it!”

Customer #2: “Really?”

Customer #1: “Yep! Her name is Jojo and she’s an experienced adulterer! She is unemployed and spends her time cheating on her husband with six of my other Sims!”

Customer #2: “You sure you want to buy that shirt for your daughter?”

(I’m with a group of friends at a restaurant, and we’ve gotten into a discussion about whether tomatoes are fruits or vegetables. One friend just won’t accept that tomatoes are technically fruit.)

Friend: “Tomatoes aren’t fruit, because you can make sauce out of them. You wouldn’t, like, take apples and make sauce out of them.”

(The whole group bursts out laughing.)

Me: “Uh… yeah, you would. It’s called ‘apple sauce.'”

(We never let her live that down.)

(I’m in a voice chat app with a group of guys. The youngest guy in the group, Person #1, is jokingly talking about other guys in the chat being his parents.)

Person #1: “The funny thing is, I’m half Irish and half Hispanic. [Person #2] is Irish and [Person #3] is Hispanic! So if [Person #2] is my daddy, then [Person #3] is mommy!”

Person #3: “What!? No!”

Person #2: “I already told you I’m not your dad.”

Person #1: “Yes, you are!”

(A little while later:)

Person #3: “[Person #1], you’re adopted.”

Person #1: “Mommy, noooooo!”