But Still Won’t Be Ginger

| UK | Friendly | April 23, 2014

(I am a transgender man. I have very recently started to transition. I am discussing the haircut I want with my friend. We are both huge fans of Doctor Who.)

Friend: “You’ll look like a completely different person.”

Me: “Yeah, I know. It’s— oh, my god!”

Friend: “What?”

Me: “I’m gonna regenerate! That is so cool!”

Friend: “Woah…”

(And from then on, my transition was known as my ‘regeneration’.)

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The Floor Should Have Been Plastered

| CT, USA | Friendly | April 22, 2014

(I am drinking with my friends in a recently finished basement at Friend #1’s house. The carpet is white and brand new. We have all had our fair share of drinks at this point of the evening and are sitting on the floor playing a card game. Friend #2 spills her beer all over the carpet.)

Me: “Oh, no! Quick, someone grab some towels!”

Friend #1: “My parents are going to kill me if this stains.”

(I get some towels and start soaking up the spilled beverage. Friend #2 knocks me out of the way.)

Friend #2: “No, no, no! The carpet needs to be buzzed!”

(She proceeds to not only rub in the spilled alcohol with her hands into the carpet, but actually pours more beer on it. She then proceeds to pass out a few minutes later and we are able to clean up the spill.)

Friend #1: “Well, at least we got that taken care of, I just hope the carpet doesn’t have a hangover in the morning.”

First Class Has No Class

| London, England, UK | Friendly | April 22, 2014

(After my best friend moved down the coast, I make two or three trips a year to visit him. By booking well in advance and using a rail card, I get a first class ticket. This particular trip I have sat in my reserved seat and have just put my laptop on the table when two business-types, a man and a woman, walk into the carriage. The man sits down opposite me and the woman just stands and stares at me.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Woman: *stares*

Me: “Um, right. Could you not stare at me. It’s making me uncomfortable.”

Woman: *stares*

Man: “Get out of her seat, please.”

Me: “Er… this is my seat?”

Man: “Look you’re a kid. You probably made a mistake. That’s okay, but this is first class and you need a reservation for these seats.”

Me: “Yes, I know. I have my ticket right here and the reservation with it.”

Man: “That’s not right. They don’t sell first class tickets to children. Now leave before I make you.”

(I should note that the woman has just stood there and stared at me this whole time.)

Me: “Yes, they do. I have one here. If you try and make me using physical force I will be well within my rights to use self defense.”

Man: “Look, I don’t want to hurt you. I do karate so I could easily break your arm if I needed to. I think it best you leave.”

(At this point the conductor reaches the carriage and the man sits back looking very smug, thinking I’m about to be thrown out. The conductor checks my ticket and then asks the man for his.)

Conductor: “Sir, this ticket is for the train heading to Manchester. You are on the train heading to Plymouth. I’m not really sure how you ended up here since that service leaves from an entirely different station. You will need to get off at the next stop and the station conductor will fine you for traveling on this service without a valid ticket.

(The man’s and woman’s faces went through an alarming range of colors including red, white, and blue before they both got up and headed to the end of the carriage wherein they started making frantic phone calls.)

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Will Be Trying Until The Cows Come Home

| NY, USA | Friendly | April 22, 2014

(At a club event we are playing a ‘This or That’ game. We must move to one side of the room or another based on our choices. [Friend #1] was recently featured in the university newspaper for her lifelong passion of raising dairy cows.)

Caller: “Horse or cow?”

Friend #1 *on the cow side* “Ohhhh, no questions there!”

Friend #2 *on the horse side* “But you can’t ride a cow!”

(Everyone looks at Friend #1, knowing her love for cows.)

Friend #1: “Pfft! Pfft! Yes…Yes, you can! CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!”

Give Them The Cold Shoulder

| FL, USA | Friendly | April 21, 2014

(When my first son was five years old, I had a second son. A few weeks after he was born, I took them both to a park so that my older son could use up some energy. Since it is the middle of May in Florida, it’s pretty warm out, so I have my infant in a onesie outfit and socks. A middle aged woman sees him in his baby carrier.)

Woman: “Oh, your baby is so adorable! How old?”

Me: “Thanks. He’s almost a month old.”

Woman: “Only a month? Oh, my God! You need to cover him up! He’s going to freeze!”

Me: “Oh, no, he’s fine. It’s over 80 degrees out, so I don’t want him to get too warm.”

Woman: “No, you really need to cover him up! Don’t you know that babies have really thin skin? Here, take this!”

(She pulls a scarf out of her purse and starts to pull it over my son.)

Me: “No, thanks. He’s fine, really. He’s my second son, so I’ve done this before.”

Woman: “Take this! He is going to FREEZE!” *tries to shove the scarf on top of my son*

Me: “Okay. Thanks, but no thanks. We’re just going to leave.”

(I call my older son over and we start to walk to our car.)

Woman: *calling after me* “You really need to learn how to take care of babies!”