His Mind Is Up In The Air(ships)

| Friendly | August 28, 2014

(My friend has sometimes quite an unusual sense of humour, especially on the phone. This happens when I call him.)

Friend: “Hello, airship rental. Blue ones are out. How may I help you?”

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My Friend The Monster

| Friendly | August 28, 2014

(My friend has this running joke of randomly yelling ‘RAWR, I’m a monster!’ for the sake of being silly. We are about to leave to get her brother from school. I am looking for my socks and I just yell out.)

Me: “RAWR, I’m a monster!”

Friend: *upstairs in her room* “NO, YOU’RE NOT!”

Me: “Well, then, I’m a monster in training!”

Friend: “THAT’S BETTER!”

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Bear That In Mind

| Friendly | August 28, 2014

(I am driving with my friend, and we stop at a crosswalk to let a mother and her kids cross.)

Friend: “Bonus points if you can knock ’em all down without spilling the panda.”

Me: “You are a horrible person! She’s a large lady in a black-and-white shirt. You can’t call people pandas!”

Friend: “Uh… [My Name]… look what she’s holding.”

(I look, and see that she is carrying a sack of takeout from a popular Chinese-food chain, featuring a large panda logo.)

Me: “Oh, my God. I’M the horrible person!”

Friend: “Just thank your lucky stars the windows are rolled up.”

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Irish Decaf

| Friendly | August 27, 2014

Friend: “So I’ve decided to quit caffeine.”

Me: “Why’s that?”

Friend: “Because I’ve been having chest pains, and I think that’s what’s causing them. So, no more coffee and energy drinks for me.”

(He said this with a straight face, in his home, with empty beer cans and bottles of whiskey strewn across the living room and kitchen.)

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Have No Fear If You Check The Rear

| Friendly | August 27, 2014

(I am with my friends after finding out my cancer is back.)

Me: “That appointment was not encouraging. The doctor says that some patients with this disease do well for years, and others ‘expire’ quickly.”

Friend: *without missing a beat* “Well, if you want, I’d be willing to check you’re a** to see what expiration date is printed there.”

Me: *stunned silence, then laughing*

(It was so just the laugh I needed right then! Two years later, and I am still doing well, so I guess my expiration date isn’t here yet.)

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