Seriously Be-Laboring The Point

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Friendly | March 5, 2014

(I have just recently found out I am pregnant. I am eight weeks pregnant when this conversation happens.)

Me: “Well, I have some exciting news. I’m pregnant!”

Friend: “YAY! What day are you having it?”

Me: “The baby is due around the 25th of September, but you never know with babies.”

Friend: “No, I mean when did you schedule your c-section?”

Me: “What?”

Friend: “Your c-section. Don’t tell me you are not going to have a c-section!?”

Me: “Well, I would rather avoid a c-section unless it is necessary.”

Friend: “Oh, my god! NO! You can’t do that! You have to have a c-section. They are so much easier. Why would you go through all that pain and suffering when you can just get some drugs and get a c-section!?”

Me: “I would rather just have him naturally, rather than risk major surgery.”

Friend: “You will change your mind. I promise you will. If you don’t then make sure you get the epidural as soon as you get there.” *continues ranting about her c-section and how I just don’t know what I am talking about*

Me: “I’ll keep that in mind.”

Friend: “Okay. So, have you peed your pants yet?”

Me: “…”

(This conversation happened often over the course of my entire pregnancy.)

Putting On Heirs About Hairs

| London, England, UK | Friendly | March 5, 2014

(A woman gets on the train and sits directly behind me.)

Stranger: “I don’t like your hair.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Stranger: “Your hair. It’s too straight. And too clean. I don’t like it.”

Me: “Okay… Well, I’m sorry?”

Stranger: “Thank you. Can I put something on it? To make it better?”

Me: “No!”

Stranger: “Well, no wonder the seat behind you was so empty. What rude manners!”

They Swear By Each Other

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Friendly | March 5, 2014

(A friend and I are driving down Sunset Boulevard for the first time. I, the driver, notice an upcoming street. What followed was not planned.)

Me: “Cusson Street! Ready? Ready?”

Friend & Me: *simultaneously* “F***!”

Me: “I am so glad you knew what I meant.”

Friend: “I was on board that train.”

Taking Wuthering Heights To New Lows

| St Paul, MN, USA | Friendly | March 4, 2014

(My roommate and I like to read books to each other. On this night, we’re reading ‘Wuthering Heights’ since she just bought a Bronte Sisters anthology.)

Me: *reading book aloud* “Her position before was shelter from the light; now, I had a distinct view of her whole figure and countenance.” *under breath* “Do she got the booty?”

Roommate: “Don’t ruin Bronte, [My Name]! Don’t do it!”

Me: *smirks and continues reading as the author describes the girl’s appearance* “She dooooo!”

Roommate: “Godd*** it, [My Name]!”

Sexually Confused

| Charleroi, Belgium | Friendly | March 4, 2014

(I am in my second-to-last year of high-school. We are playing a game of volleyball for the physical education course and, I’m not as good as the other, more athletic students. One of them, with whom I usually get along well, gets angry at me after I let the other team score a point. I am male.)

Classmate: “Come on! Get it together, for f***s sake!”

Me: “Hey, it’s all right! We’re still winning the game!”

Classmate: “Well, no thanks to you!”

Me: “Oh, gimme a f****** break…”

Classmate: “Suck my d***, you f*****!”

Me: “Wait… You’re calling me a f** and asking me to suck your c*** in the same sentence?”

Classmate: *speechless*

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