(I attend a school in Boston, and my friend attends a school in California. Recently they got a little rain, while out in Boston, we got snow.)

Friend: “I hate the rain, it makes puddles and everything’s so slippery.”

Me: “Yeah, well, think about if you had that for the whole of winter. It’s terrible.”

Friend: “You guys don’t have rain; you have snow!”

Me: “Um… [Friend]?”

Friend: “Ya?”

Me: “What is snow?”

Friend: “…Pretend I’m smart, okay?”

(The son of one of my neighbours is getting married, and I’ve promised to help out at the dinner service afterwards. They’ve also asked me to see if I have any friends that also can help. I ask around and find one friend who is available that day.)

Me: “Great! The information is a bit scarce at the moment, but I’ll call you the instant I hear anything else! They also said that we’d get a more extensive list a bit closer to the wedding.”

Friend: “All right! Sounds good.”

(A few weeks pass, and two days before the wedding, I, my friend, and some friends of the groom’s mother are called over to the neighbor to get more information on what needs to be done. The list turns out to be VERY long, much longer than any of us expected, especially since there are only four of us. As we leave, my friend speaks up.)

Friend: “I had no idea there’d be so much stuff to do!”

Me: “Me neither. Things are a bit disorganized, I know, but at least we’ll get paid.”

Friend: “Dude… If I’d known there’d be that much s*** that had to be done, I NEVER would’ve agreed to help you.”

(I find this rather rude of her to say, but I let it slide. The wedding day comes, and I drive by my friend’s house to pick her up for the preparations. We’ve worked for a while when she comes up to me.)

Friend: *somewhat nonchalantly* “Uh, [My Name]? I forgot to bring my migraine medicine today, so I can’t stay all night. I’ll stay until I feel it coming.”

Me: “Um, okay. It can’t be helped, I guess…”

(She ended up only staying for just under half the service, leaving me and the other 2 recruits with much more work to do for the rest of the party, and I even had to call in my parents to help us with the dishes. I don’t want to believe that she “forgot” her medication on purpose, but considering that she’d told me two days before that she would’ve refused to help out if she’d known the amount of work that was expected, it’s a bit too much of a coincidence. At least she refused half her salary…)

(I’ve recently caught up to date with the latest gaming consoles, a PS4, and splurged a little to get the one with all the ‘Uncharted’s included. I powered through the first and second, and loved them, which made me especially excited for the third. As I’m getting to the end of the third, this conversation was yelled between two rooms, my room and my housemates.)

Me: “[Housemate]! There’s a flaming man! And I don’t know why!”

Housemate: “Whaaaat? In Uncharted?”

Me: “He’s on fire and I thought he spontaneously combusted because I was shooting him!”

Housemate: “Well… kill him… with fire?”

Me: “There’s another one…” *a little panicky*

Housemate: “More fire! All the fire!”

Me: “Oooo, an RPG. Nothing can go wrong now.”

Housemate: “You’re safe, then.”

Me: “I just don’t understand why they’re on fire.”

(Short time later:)

Me: “[Housemate]! They weren’t actually on fire! Nate was just tripping balls!”

(I am on holiday with a large group of family and friends. My sister, my mother, and I know just enough French to be polite and ask if people speak English. We are looking for a certain store.)

Me: *in French* “Excuse me, do you speak English?”

Person: “Yes, can I help you?”

Me: “Yes, I was wondering where [Store] is?”

(They give me directions, I thank them in French, and we find the store. Later, we meet back up with our group and several of them seem angry.)

Friend: “No one would help us! They just looked at us like we were idiots and walked away!”

Me: “What were you asking?”

Friend: “How to get to [well known fast food restaurant]!”

Me: “…in English?”

Friend: “Of course!”

Me: “Yeah, they wouldn’t help you.”

Friend: “Why not?!”

Me: “Because we’re in France? They speak French and find it really rude when you don’t attempt to speak their language?”

Friend: “Ugh, that doesn’t make any sense.”

(The worst part: these are the type of people that get angry when they hear anyone back home speak anything but English…)

(Some university friends and I are going to see “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.” We are in our early-twenties.)

Friend: “I can’t remember the last children’s film I saw at the cinema!”

Me: “Oh? What was the last adult film you saw?”

(It took me a few seconds to realise why everyone was laughing so hard!)