(I’m at Friend #1’s place, enjoying an afternoon beer on Valentine’s day with Friend #2 and him. Friend #2 is the only one who has a girlfriend, while Friend #1 has been single for a long time)

Friend #1: “So, [Friend #2], why aren’t you with your girlfriend? I mean, it’s Valentine’s Day after all. Are you at least going to enjoy the night with her? If you know what I mean…”

Friend #2: “I already did yesterday. It was a great night. What about you, [My Name]?”

Me: “I enjoyed it two days ago, with this girl I’ve been seeing. It was great too. What about you, [Friend #1]?”

Friend #1: “…I shouldn’t have started this conversation.”

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(I have a service dog that is a bit unusual because it is a husky. The norm tends to be labs in my area. I am at a pet store getting food for my cat when a woman walks up, sits down beside my dog, and begins playing with her.)

Me: “Ma’am, please don’t touch my dog.”

Woman: “It’s so cute!”

Me: “This is my service dog; stop touching her.”

(The woman gets upset, and stands up.)

Woman: “You are lying; this is a pet, and people are allowed to touch animals because you can’t own a living creature!”

Me: “I am not. I have the paperwork, the vest, and the years of schooling to prove she is a service dog. You need to leave me alone or I will get security.”

Woman: “You’re a f****** liar.”

(She storms off. I think she is going to get security. Nothing happens, so I get the food, go to the register, and am in line behind the woman.)

Woman: “I looked it up. Huskies can’t be service dogs.”

Me: “Yes, they can. They just don’t always make the best service dogs. Mine is awesome.”

Woman: “I am going to ask.”

(The woman flags down an employee and demands to know if a husky can be a service dog.)

Employee: “Um, yes. They can. I am not sure why this is important?”

(The woman shut up after that. She also lost her spot in line.)

(I’m a woman, married to another woman. This happened when we got our first apartment (one bedroom) together and the landlord is showing us the place.)

Landlord: “Just one bedroom! Guess you’ll need bunk beds!”

Wife & Me: “Yup! Bunk beds!” *both trying not to laugh*

(My friend and I are both in the military. As such, we don’t get to see each other often. We’ve just called each other to catch up and she tells me some good news.)

Friend: “I’m pregnant!”

Me: “Oh, my god! That’s wonderful!”

Friend: “I’m about four months along.”

Me: “Do you know what it is?!”

Friend: “A baby.”

Me: “…”

Friend: “I mean, I was gunning for a velociraptor, but no luck apparently.”

(I love her so much.)

1. You keep everyone else guessing.

At this stage everyone just assumes you are a couple. Your sharing of personal space, hanging out most evenings by default, knowing what to order each other at the bar/takeout/etc. Keeps the bromance alive. If you were gay you’d actually be a couple.
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