Skipped The Last Couple Commandments

| Greece | Friendly | February 20, 2014

(It’s Good Friday, which means that, traditionally, no faithful Christians are allowed to do even the slightest amount of labor, not even cook or wash their hair. I am on the balcony, hanging our laundry on the line to dry, when a neighbour sees me.)

Neighbour: “What do you think you’re doing?! It’s Good Friday!”

Me: “It’s okay. I’m not religious. I had to do some housework.”

Neighbour: “But how can you be so inconsiderate of us true believers? Have you no respect?”

Me: “So, whenever Muslims have a religious holiday, does your family also honour it out of respect?”

Neighbour: *clearly frustrated by the good point I made* “BURN IN HELL!”

Me: “Oh, thank you! Best wishes to you, too!”

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Driving Home The Bacon

| Friendly | February 20, 2014

Finds Those Books Unpalatable

| BC, Canada | Friendly | February 19, 2014

(I’m taking a Social Studies test, when I suddenly feel sick. I manage to make it to the washrooms and throw up. A classmate of mine walks in.)

Classmate: “You don’t look so good.”

Me: “I think I’m sick.”

(She notices my paler than usual face.)

Classmate: “You’re one of them.”

Me: “Who?”

Classmate: “Those Cullen wannabes! I know you’re secretly wanting to be a vampire.”

Me: “I actually hate those books.”

Classmate: “Oh, please. All those like you love those books.”

(I decided to let it go since I had another urge to puke. The whole time I heard her yelling ‘Cullen Wannabe!’)

Put Into An Awkward Position

| MT, USA | Friendly | February 19, 2014

(Two girl friends and I are in the car having a ladies night out. Friend #1 and I have just recently found out that Friend #2’s longtime boyfriend is Mormon. This is the first time that Friend #2 has been out with me and Friend #1 without the guys, so she is sitting shyly and quietly in the back seat. Friend #1 and I are having very open and borderline graphic girly talk since I’ve been married six years and Friend #1 is a newlywed looking for advice about some things.)

Me: “[Friend #2], I hope we’re not making you uncomfortable with our sex talk.”

Friend #1: *to me* “Oh, don’t be silly.” *to Friend #2* “So, what’s your favorite position?”

Me: “Now who’s being silly? It’s MISSIONARY, of course!”

Back-ended Comments

| USA | Friendly | February 19, 2014

(My friend is talking about how she can’t marry anyone outside her culture. I can’t help but tease her any chance I get.)

Girl: “I just don’t see myself finding anyone. Would it be easier if I just took you from behind?”

Me: “… Uh, wanna rephrase that?”

Girl: “Oh f***! I meant drop you off in the back! Besides, I’m not really equipped for that.”

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