(Overheard:)

Teen #1: “Is ‘ATM’ copyrighted?”

Teen #2: “Maybe it’s a brand name.”

(They were referring to a cash machine, aka Automated Teller Machine.)

(I’m out at a restaurant with one of my friends whose birthday is February 29. I’m using ketchup when I notice something on the bottle.)

Me: “Hey, [Friend], look! If you sign up for the birthday club you get a free entree every year on your birthday!”

Friend: “Screw you.”

(My friends and I have decided to go swimming, and while in the change room I overhear this exchange:)

Little Girl: “Mommy! Mommy!”

Woman: “Yes?”

Little Girl: “Mommy?!”

Woman: “What is it?”

Little Girl: *pause* “You don’t sound like my mommy…”

Woman: “Oh! No, you’re not mine! Sorry!”

(Little girl went back to calling for her mom, who did eventually hear her, and I couldn’t help laughing at the mix up!)

(My roommates, my husband, and I are sitting in the living room watching the news when Roommate #1 enters the room.)

Roommate #1: “Oh, good. You’re all home. Hey, everybody, I’ve installed a computer game and we’re going to pretend to like Star Trek tonight.”

(I sigh and go to my bedroom. I can hear the conversation continue.)

Roommate #1: “She’ll be back, right? We need six for this game, and we’ve only got five, but I think we can do it.”

Husband: “Well, I don’t know. You did say that we were pretending to like Star Trek.”

(I return, dressed in Lieutenant Uhura’s uniform.)

Roommate #1: “Okay, I didn’t mean to pretend that hard.”

Me: “I have three science officers uniforms upstairs and a red-shirt, if you’d prefer?”

(Roommate #1 introduces us to this new game, a starship bridge simulator. We all enjoy it. Afterwards:)

Roommate #2: *looks at my uniform* “So… where did you get that and do they have any of the others?”

Me: “Oh, yeah, original and next gen. Not bad prices, either.”

Roommate #1: “I guess we are planning to pretend that hard.”

Husband: *who played helm the whole game* “I want a Hawaiian shirt. And plastic dinosaurs.”

(Thanks to my super game-loving friend, I’ve recently found out that I adore video games, and have been catching up on all the video games released in the past ten years that I think look awesome. My friend is highly amused by how excited I get at it at all, so I have been periodically updating her on my progress throughout each game. One night I send her a few texts.)

Me: *at four am* “[Friend]! I MADE MY VIDEO GAME BOYFRIEND KING AND HE GOT MAD AND BROKE UP WITH ME! Jerkface. I’m feeding him to the dragon, okay?”

Me: *at five am* “HE FED HIMSELF TO THE DRAGON AND NOW I’M BAWLING.”

Me: *at six am* “Okay, we’re all good. He’s not king, the dragon is dead, and we’re still together. Yay for happy endings!”

Friend: *at 10 am* “…What have I created?”

(A few weeks later I’m playing a sequel to that game and I text her again.)

Me: “[Friend]! NOO! [Character] from the first game died in the third game! AFTER ALL I DID TO KEEP HIM ALIVE!”

Friend: “Mayyyybeee you need a break?”