(I volunteer as a Scout leader. Our Cub Scout pack has several boys in it who live at a nearby residential school for kids with emotional and learning disabilities. Many are there because their parents have lost custody due to their inability to give these kids the help they need. When we first accepted these kids into the pack, we were a little concerned about how they would fit in with the ‘typical’ kids. One of the kids from the special school is going to be going back home to live with his parents, which is a huge deal. We give him a goodbye card and wish him luck. Unfortunately, he is back at the school a month later due to his loser-parents not doing their job. There is a pack event, and this kid shows up with the rest of the kids from the school. He is hanging in the back, looking a bit down when the rest of the den he had been in sees him.)

Scout #1: “[Kid]! You’re here!”

Scout #2: “We thought you left!”

Scout #1: “We need you for our team! Come on!”

(The kid burst into a huge smile and joined the others like he had never been away. 10- and 11-year-old boys can be a trial some days, but my Scouts gave this kid a better welcome than his own family, and his teacher said it was the first time he had smiled in about a week. The next generation of humanity is doing all right.)

(My friends and I are sitting in math class during a work time. We have finished all our work so we are doing other things. I am beginning to learn sign language so I tell them to ask me questions so I can answer in sign language but I start to get annoyed with them and try to insult them with what little sign language I know. I fortunately the first thing I think of is something Friend #1 taught me and is the only thing she knew in sign language.)

Me: *signs the “insult” at [Friend #2]*

Friend #1: “She just called you a fish taco.”

(Friend #2 then laughs and makes a sign and asks what it means. He meant to do the “rock and roll” hand gesture with the pointer and pinky finger out but he has his thumb pointed out, too.)

Me: *snickers* “That means I love you.”

(We are leaving class. I am not known for being the kindest and most optimistic person.)

Friend: “[My Name], you’re the most aggressive passive-aggressive person I’ve ever met.”

Me: “Passive aggressive or aggressive?”

Friend: “No, you’re not just aggressive you’re passive about it. Except you’re really aggressive when you’re being passive-aggressive.”

Me: “So I’m sarcastic.”

Friend: “Yeah! Sarcastic!”

Me: “I’m impressed with your skills of deduction and much needed input.”

(I am both a student teacher and a part-time private school teacher, so my days are pretty packed. I learn that in order to obtain my credential, I need to renew my CPR certification. I have been up since seven in the morning, worked until five thirty, and am now sitting in a CPR class that’s scheduled to end at ten o’clock at night, so I am very tired, and that, coupled with chronic sinus congestion, causes me to yawn admittedly quite a bit during instructions. However, I am still able to concentrate and follow directions, and no one seems to be bothered by it. I am sitting toward the back with one another person, who decides to speak to me while the final CPR exam is passed out.)

CPR Classmate: “Hey. You yawned seventy-three times.”

Me: “…”

CPR Classmate: “Seventy-three times.”

Me: “…”

CPR Classmate: “Seriously. I counted.”

(I know she’s exaggerating, but I can feel my face flush as I try to ignore her and focus on my exam. She seems to notice my change in mood.)

CPR Classmate: “I’m kidding!”

Me: “Okay, then…”

(Have to give her credit – her unwarranted and unnecessary ‘joke’ embarrassed me so much that I stifled every other yawn I had until we were dismissed!)

(I work in an office nearby many of the major tourist attractions in DC, so I am often asked for directions by tourists. On this day, a seemingly friendly family stops me and asks me for directions when I’m walking back to my office after grabbing an afternoon coffee.)

Father: “Can you tell us where the intersection of [Street] and [Street] is?”

Me: “Sure, it’s only about two blocks from here. Are you looking for something near there? There’s really nothing right at that intersection, so if you’re looking for something nearby, I can probably give you better directions if you tell me exactly where you’re going.”

Father: “Oh, great! We read about this great [Local Restaurant] nearby there, and were hoping to go get a late lunch.”

Me: “Oh, that place is great. I go there when I can, but the lines are usually long at lunch and in the evening, so I often don’t have time. But, since it’s the middle of the afternoon, the lines should be pretty short and you can enjoy. I recommend [dish]. If you go up the street here about half a block, cross to the other side, and turn left, it’s about halfway down the block on your right. Enjoy!”

(Fast forward an hour and a half, I leave work and enter the Metro (subway). As I’m waiting for the train, I look up and see the same family I gave directions to earlier.)

Me: “Did you enjoy [Local Restaurant]?”

Mother: “I can’t believe it has such high ratings and you said it was so good. Do people around here not have any standards?”

Me: “Wow… I’m sorry you had such a bad experience there. What happened?”

Mother: “Well, I don’t even know how their food was because we couldn’t even order. When we went inside, there were over five people in line in front of us and they had only two registers to take orders. It was a total mess!”

Me: “Did you even wait for a minute to see how fast the line went? I’ve entered the line there with 50 people in front of me and had my food in 30 minutes or less…”

Mother: “Well, that just means you’re stupid like everyone else in this town, apparently. If they’re so busy and popular, they should have more registers so that people don’t have to stand in line. We went to McDonald’s, and there was no line and we got our food within 5 minutes. It’s a wonder they stay in business if they can’t maintain a standard of service like McDonald’s does.”

Me: “Well, I’m sure McDonald’s appreciated your business.”