(My friends and I regularly met at the local gaming store to run our campaigns and while I don’t remember the lead up to this conversation but this sticks in the mind.)

Friend: “This guy is like dealing with Lando.”

Me: *not sure whether I heard Lando or Londo* “Calrissian or Mollari?”

Friend: *thinks for a moment* “Either way you’re going to get screwed.”

Me: *considers the two characters* “That’s true.”

(My siblings and I raise and show pigs at the county fair, and on the last day of the fair our pigs are sold at an auction. One year, members of an animal-rights group are going among the kids, trying to terrify them with horror stories about slaughterhouses, and they happen to reach me before my parents can stop them. I am a tiny, blonde, adorable little girl at the time, and so they probably consider me an easy target… however, I also have high-functioning autism and, as such, tend to be bluntly honest when asked a question.)

Activist: “Is that your pig, sweetheart?”

Me: *oblivious* “Yup! Her name’s Storm and they’re gonna sell her today.”

Activist: *hoping to scare me out of selling the pig* “Sweetheart, do you know what’s going to happen to your pig after they sell it?”

Me: *enthusiastic* “Yeah! They butcher it! They butchered a pig on our farm a few years ago, and I got to stay home from school to watch!”

(I proceeded to horrify the activists by telling them how to butcher a pig in graphic detail. They didn’t stick around too long. Word of advice to animal-rights activists — don’t ask a farm kid a question like that if you don’t want the answer!)

(I’m at the grocery store when I hear a small child, maybe four years old, singing:)

Child: “I love cheese and steak! Cheesesteak, cheesesteak! I love cheesesteak! I love cheese! Cheesesteak!”

(We are pricing down merchandise with pricing guns when my manager jokingly sticks one of the discount stickers on me.)

Me: “Hey, careful, I’m not that cheap …” *looks at $14.99 tag, thinks about my hourly pay* “D*** it, I’m cheaper, aren’t I?”

(I’m a customer in this. I am with a friend of mine and a cousin of his from Alabama, who is visiting. We’re waiting in line to order our food at a local fast food restaurant and we overhear a couple of boys talking about Indian tribes. Now, to me and my friend, it is obvious that they are talking about Native Americans as they are clearly Native American. But the cousin….)

Cousin: “What part of India are you from?”

Customer #1 & #2: *blinks in confusion*

Friend: “You idiot, they’re Native Americans, not from India.”

Cousin: “What? No, they can’t be Native Americans. They went extinct thousands of years ago.”

Me: “Native Americans were here long before our Founding Father’s came to America, dude. And they still live here.”

Cousin: “But the Ice Age killed them.”

(We all stare at him before my friend smacks him upside the head and says:)

Friend: “You dumb-a**! Those were the cavemen you’re thinking about!” *turns to the other two customers* “I am SO sorry about my cousin’s idiocy. I hope he didn’t offend you.”

Customer #1: “No, we were just startled. Though, that is the first time I’ve heard that our people were extinct. I’m going to have to tell Dad about that one. He’ll get a kick out of it!”