The Ball Has Been In Their Court For Five Years

| MT, Canada | Friendly | February 25, 2014

(During middle school, during a game of ‘wall ball,’ I end up bouncing the ball off the wall, into my best friend’s face, and back to the wall multiple times. I was so stunned I didn’t say anything when he chased down another classmate. Five years later…)

Friend: “Hey, dude. Remember that game where I got hit in the face a lot?”

Me: “Yes, that was pretty bad luck.”

Friend: “Well, I was talking to [Classmate], and he says YOU are the one that threw the ball!”

Me: “… What?”

Friend: “Yeah. I thought it was him the entire time! Why didn’t you apologize?”

Me: “Dude, I’ve told you it was me five times now.”

Friend: “Really?”

Me: “Did you really forget again?”

Friend: “Shut up.”

Me: “How hard did I hit you with that ball?”

Staying Friends Even If It Kills Them

| TX, USA | Friendly | February 25, 2014

(My best friend and I watch a lot of crime shows together, both fiction and non-fiction. We like to point out all the stupid things the criminals do during these shows. We just finished watching a show where a killer is turned in by one of his friends.)

Best Friend: “I’m lucky you’re not a sociopath. You’d probably have to kill me before I found out your secret and went to the police.”

Me: “Oh, I wouldn’t do that…”

Best Friend: *surprised* “You wouldn’t?”

Me: “Of course not. You’d be traced back to me too easily. I’d hire someone else to kill you and then kill them before they had the chance to rat me out.”

Best Friend: “… I’m REALLY lucky you’re not a sociopath.”

No Filter Friends

| Friendly | February 25, 2014

funny-friend-quote

The Normality Of Abnormal Friendship

| Pasadena, CA, USA | Friendly | February 24, 2014

(On very short notice, I have driven for four hours to be with my friends during a family emergency. It is nearly 10 pm when we stop at a fast food place just in time to find one of my tires is flat. We proceed to unload my trunk to get at the spare tire and tools. Afterwards…)

Me: “Can I take a moment to thank you for not even asking why I have a seamstress dummy in the trunk of my car?”

Friend: “Hon, it goes with the territory. Dummy, bags of chips, several 12-packs of soda, that’s all normal for you to have in your car.”

Me: “True.”

Friend: “Only thing I’m wondering is why you don’t have saltines in your purse. You must have really rushed down here!”

No Black And White Explanation

| Rochester, MI, USA | Friendly | February 24, 2014

(I do this potentially annoying thing where I text my best friend thoughts without explaining the backstory. I’m at work and have realized there is a small tear in the seat of my black pants. So, with no explanation, I text my bestie:)

Me: “Wanna help me color my a** black with a sharpie?”

Bestie: “… YES! Without question, yes!”

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