Destructive Friendship

| Elmira, NY, USA | Friendly | April 3, 2014

(I have just finished a very long an annoyingly tedious collage for a class. I am proud of how it looks and have made it three dimensional. My friend comes over and sets books down on my collage.)

Friend: “Who put this tray of garbage on the table? Just kidding. I knew it was your collage but it was gross and I think you should redo it because you can’t use this one anymore…”

Astrip Club

| UK | Friendly | April 3, 2014

(My friend is asexual. We are discussing the idea of a nightclub catering mostly to asexual people.)

Friend: “Woah!”

Me: “What?”

Friend: “It could have strippers who go on stage and get dressed!”

Me: “Woah…”

Music To My Rears

| Bay Area, CA, USA | Friendly | April 3, 2014

(I am hanging out with a male friend and his girlfriend. This is my first time seeing them since we started college, and I am feeling nostalgic. My friend and his girlfriend are trying to figure out what music to listen to.)

Friend: “I don’t know what to play! You don’t like any of my music!”

Girlfriend: “Hey, I know! Play that song that I told you to play for [My Name]!”

Friend: “Oh, yeah. That.”

Girlfriend: “You know the song I’m talking about, right? It totally sounds like her. Doesn’t it?”

Friend: “I guess so.”

(My friend sounds unenthusiastic, but I am flattered that his girlfriend has been thinking of me. My friend plays the song, and his girlfriend turns the volume way up.)

Song: She’s a whooty….  a white girl with a booty!

Me: *speechless*

Girlfriend: “See, doesn’t it sound like [My Name]? I told you, [Friend]; she’s got the junk in the trunk! Come on. You had a crush on her for how many years?”

Me: “Um, thank you?”

(My friend awkwardly avoids looking anyone in the eye while his girlfriend continues to wax poetic about the size of my butt. I guess I should have known better than to expect some sappy friendship song!)

I Hope You Didn’t Notice

| Friendly | April 2, 2014

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Playing With A Smoking Gun

| FL, USA | Friendly | April 2, 2014

(I’m out and about with my boyfriend and two of his friends, one of which has never met me before. We have just driven past a group of teens our age smoking and have parked in the parking lot of a popular store.)

Me: “I don’t understand how teens our age can tolerate smoking! It’s so gross!”

Boyfriend: “Well… I mean… uh…”

New Guy: *turns to me, cigarette in mouth* “Got a light?”

Me: “…”

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