Down Blunder, Part 2

| Bucharest, Romania | Friendly | December 31, 2013

(I’m a rather multinational person. So far I have lived in four countries at 15 years of age. I am moving from the third to the fourth country. I’m going around getting my shirt signed. My friend is one year above me, and from France, but has lived in Romania for most of her life.)

Friend: “Hey. I heard you were leaving! Can I sign your shirt too?”

Me: “Sure. Go ahead. Here’s a pen.”

Friend: “Thanks. So, where are you going?”

Me: “Vienna.”

Friend: “Ooh, I’ve always wanted to learn Italian.”

Me: “What?”

Friend: *condescending* “Italian? The language they speak in Italy?”

Me: “Oh, you’re thinking of Venice. No, I’m going to Vienna, as in the capital of Austria.”

Friend: “Oh, of course! Sorry. I’m not that great at Geography.”

Me: “Oh, that’s fine. I’ve been getting that all day. Vienna does sound an awful lot like Venice.”

Friend: “Okay. I’ve finished the picture!”

Me: “Great. See you.” *walks away*

(Later…)

Other Friend: “Who drew a kangaroo on your shirt?!”

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Down Blunder

Biology 101, One On One

| LA, USA | Friendly | September 10, 2013

(I’m stretched out on my boyfriend’s bed, burrowed under the covers, and he’s sitting at his desk, adding the finishing touches to an English paper. His roommate pokes his head into the room.)

Roommate: “You’re not done with that essay yet? I thought you said it you were nearly finished.”

Boyfriend: *without looking away from the computer* “Yeah but [my name] came over and we had a biology lesson.”

Roommate: *confused* “I thought she wasn’t in college?”

Me: *giggle*

Roommate: “What? I thought you weren’t a student!”

Me: *laughing harder* “I’m not!”

Roommate: “Then why did you have a biology lesson with [boyfriend’s name]? I know you’re too old to be in high school!”

Boyfriend: *shakes his head* “Dude, you’re in college. If you don’t get what I’m trying to say, I can’t help you.”

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Abstain From The Abstinence

| USA | Friendly | August 19, 2013

(My school gets the full range of sexual education, including abstinence and safe sex. I end up missing the abstinence part of it so my classmates are filling me in.)

Friend #1: “You are so lucky! First they had a speaker come in and tell us why it’s bad to have sex.”

Friend #2: “Yeah, then they handed out these little coin things. I already lost mine.”

Friend #1: “Then they made us learn about STDs. There was a slideshow with PICTURES!”

Friend #2: “It was so awful! I almost puked! You are lucky you missed it.”

Me: “You mean… you guys would rather have four of your teeth surgically removed than see that slide show?”

Friends #1 & #2: “YES!”

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Maybe He Was Hit In The Head After All

| IL, USA | Friendly | August 3, 2013

(My friends and I are sitting at our regular lunch table, when some nearby jocks start yet another food fight. One of them throws a fruit cup that just misses my friend’s head, and instead hits his bottle of soda.)

Friend: “Th-this Tampico bottle… it saved my life.”

Me: “It was just a fruit cup; I wouldn’t necessarily say it saved your—”

Friend: “Tampico never forget!”

Me: “Dude, calm down. It’s just a bottle—”

Friend: “TAMPICO NEVER FORGET!”

(Another friend decides to intervene.)

Other Friend: “Maybe it’s just best to let him have his moment.”

(Our friend runs out of cafeteria, holding the bottle in his hand raised triumphantly above his head.)

Friend: “TAMPICO NEVER FORGET!”

Books Can Run Rings Around Movies

| Perth, WA, Australia | Friendly | July 23, 2013

(‘The Hobbit’ is just about to come out at the cinema. We are walking past a poster advertising it.)

Friend #1:The Hobbit. What is that about?”

Me: “It’s by J.R.R. Tolkien, the same guy that wrote Lord of the Rings.”

Friend #1: “I never realized The Hobbit and Lord of The Rings were written by the same person.”

(A few days later…)

Me: “I want to go see The Hobbit.”

Friend #2: “What’s it about?”

Me: “It’s the prequel to Lord of the Rings.”

Friend #2: “I hate it when people do that. Have a really successful movie or trilogy, and then have to create another one that came first just to get more money. Obviously it’s not going to be as good.”

Me: “You do realize The Hobbit was written before The Lord of the Rings, like a long time ago?”

Friend #2: “They were books?”

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