Caught Red Handed And Blue Haired

| USA | Friendly | February 26, 2014

(I kept my hair pretty short in college. Despite that, I seemed to go through my supply of shampoo and conditioner after two weeks.)

Me: “I don’t know how I’m using so much. I have really short hair, and it’s just vanishing. You’re not using any of it are you?”

Roommate: “Nuh-uh. I use that anti-frizz stuff that has to sit in my hair for five minutes before I rinse. Maybe the bottles are leaking.”

(I decide to dye my hair blue next time I go to the store, and dump an extra bottle of fast-acting dye into my shampoo to help keep the color from fading so fast. The next day my roommate is taking one of her famously long showers…)

Roommate: *blood-curdling shriek*

Me: “What’s wrong?! Are you okay?!”

Roommate: “My HAIR!”

(She storms out of our bathroom to reveal her waist length, platinum blonde hair dyed with varying shades of teal.)

Me: “Oh, my god. You’ve been using my shampoo!”

Roommate: “Why is there blue dye in your shampoo?!”

Me: “Serves you right for using my stuff without asking, AND lying to me about it. You brought this on yourself.”

Roommate: “My parents are going to kill me!”

(Her parents weren’t very amused when they saw her, but at least she never used my shampoo again!)

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Not A-Mew-sed

| ON, Canada | Friendly | February 26, 2014

(My kitten was deathly ill in the emergency animal hospital for three days, but finally pulled through. It is expensive and tiring, but I am so happy to have him that I don’t care. When I arrive home with him, a friend of the family is in my kitchen.)

Friend: *points at cat carrier* “Oh, you’re home. What’ve you got?”

Me: “[Kitten]. The vet says he’s going to be all right.”

Friend: *sneers* “What, that stupid thing isn’t dead yet?”

(She is no longer a friend of the family.)

Not The Brightest Star In The Sky

| Chicago, IL, USA | Friendly | February 25, 2014

(My friend and I are about 14, and have just finished eighth grade.)

Me: “Wouldn’t it be awesome if we could run our homes off solar power? It could almost be free!”

Friend: “What’s solar power?”

Me: “Solar power is when you produce energy from the sun’s rays.”

Friend: “That’s not possible! The sun isn’t plugged in!”

The Ball Has Been In Their Court For Five Years

| MT, Canada | Friendly | February 25, 2014

(During middle school, during a game of ‘wall ball,’ I end up bouncing the ball off the wall, into my best friend’s face, and back to the wall multiple times. I was so stunned I didn’t say anything when he chased down another classmate. Five years later…)

Friend: “Hey, dude. Remember that game where I got hit in the face a lot?”

Me: “Yes, that was pretty bad luck.”

Friend: “Well, I was talking to [Classmate], and he says YOU are the one that threw the ball!”

Me: “… What?”

Friend: “Yeah. I thought it was him the entire time! Why didn’t you apologize?”

Me: “Dude, I’ve told you it was me five times now.”

Friend: “Really?”

Me: “Did you really forget again?”

Friend: “Shut up.”

Me: “How hard did I hit you with that ball?”

Staying Friends Even If It Kills Them

| TX, USA | Friendly | February 25, 2014

(My best friend and I watch a lot of crime shows together, both fiction and non-fiction. We like to point out all the stupid things the criminals do during these shows. We just finished watching a show where a killer is turned in by one of his friends.)

Best Friend: “I’m lucky you’re not a sociopath. You’d probably have to kill me before I found out your secret and went to the police.”

Me: “Oh, I wouldn’t do that…”

Best Friend: *surprised* “You wouldn’t?”

Me: “Of course not. You’d be traced back to me too easily. I’d hire someone else to kill you and then kill them before they had the chance to rat me out.”

Best Friend: “… I’m REALLY lucky you’re not a sociopath.”

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