Has No In-game Game

| USA | Friendly | May 26, 2014

(I’m playing a game online that you can play with others worldwide. I’m a girl in real life. A message from another player pops up.)

Player: “I hate people like you! F**s!”

Me: “What are you talking about?!”

Player: “You f**s wish you were girls so you play one online!”

Me: “Dude, I am a girl in real life! That’s why I chose to be a girl here!”

Player: “… Oh. How’re you doing? Can I get your number?”

Me: “No!”

(He was ignored.)

Forgot That Particular Detail

, | Bay Area, CA, USA | Friendly | May 26, 2014

(I work as security at a linear accelerator, operated by a famous university. We regularly get tourists pulling up and asking questions.)

Tourist: “So what does this lab do?”

Me: “The linear accelerator is a miles long tool that scientists use to look at subatomic particles.”

Tourist: “Well, I hope none of those particles come near me!”

Me: “Ma’am. I wouldn’t worry too much about that. You’re made of subatomic particles.”

Bird-Brained Birds And Bees

| Washington DC, USA | Friendly | May 26, 2014

(My friend and I are chatting about my fertility problems. She tends to be a bit of an airhead, but I love her anyway.)

Me: “So, that’s the trouble. We keep trying, but we just can’t seem to make it happen.”

Friend: “You do know how, right?”

Me: “Seriously?”

Friend: “What? No! I mean – like, if it’s a good time. I swear, I’m not asking if you know how to… you know…”

Putting The Animal Into Animal Magnetism

| FL, USA | Friendly | May 25, 2014

(My friend is more than just a little bit of a weirdo. He is extremely random and refuses to care what others think unless it is nice. However, he seems to have a certain magnetism in his looks that no one really understands.)

Friend’s Dad: “I don’t understand what it is with [Friend]. He just attracts all the girls…”

Me: “Yeah, but then he says something and all bets are off.”

(At that exact moment he comes running out of the bathroom.)


Everyone: *laughing*

(It took at least 10 minutes for someone to gain enough composure to tell him why we were all laughing.)

The Age Of Rampage

| WI, USA | Friendly | May 24, 2014

(I have recently made a friend who has a habit of saying ‘rampage’ after a sentence, be it his or another friend’s, as a joke. This happens when he, another friend, and I go out shopping. This was my first real time hanging out with him.)

Old Friend: “You read a lot of comics and manga. What would you suggest, since [New Friend] wants to start into it.”

Me: “Well, I like [Violent Manga Title]. It has one character who needs to keep a level of nicotine in his system or else he goes crazy and starts a rampage.”

New Friend: *picks up the title without hesitation*

Old Friend: “You said the one thing that got him interested.”

New Friend: “Rampage.”

(He purchases it. We then head to another store for my old friend to find new cell phone accessories, with no luck.)

New Friend: “So, why are you trying to get new accessories before you even have the new phone?”

Old Friend: “Because if I don’t then something will happen to it- like, it will break -and I will either be very sad or go on a rampage.” *looks to the new friend with an expectant look*

Me: *walking behind them* “Rampage.”

Old Friend: *whips around to look at me* “You two have been hanging out TOO MUCH!”

New Friend: “It’s just been today…”

Old Friend: “And THAT’S been too much!”

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