In Need Of A Worldly EdUKation, Part 2

| NY, USA | Friendly | March 11, 2014

(I am a British tourist visiting New York City. I am waiting at a Subway station in Queens, when a woman approaches me.)

Woman: “Excuse me; what trains do I need to get to [place]?”

(As it turns out, I am very familiar with the subway system.)

Me: “Oh, you just need to take [trains and stations].”

Woman: “Gee. Thanks! Hey, you’re from England, right?”

Me: “Yes.”

Woman: “Whereabouts?”

Me: “Oh, Folkestone in Kent. About an hour or so from London.”

Woman: “Do you know [Name]? She lives in Stoke-on-Trent!”

(Stoke-on-Trent is about 230 miles and four hours drive from Folkestone.)

Me: “No. I don’t, I’m afraid.”

Woman: “Oh, she’s only just moved there. You’ll probably meet her at the store or something! England’s such a small country. Say hi to her for me! My name’s [Name]!”

 

They’ve Been ‘It’ For Over Twenty Years

| Tallahassee, FL, USA | Friendly | March 11, 2014

(My wife and I are walking out of a grocery/department store, when I see a stranger looking at me intently.)

Stranger: *taps my arm* “You’re it!” *scoots away*

My Wife: *chuckling* “Did that just really happen?”

Me: “Yes, it did!”

(I turn to someone else leaving and tap his arm.)

Me: “Now YOU are it!” *scoot away*

Bigotry Has It’s Uses

| IL, USA | Friendly | March 11, 2014

(I am at the movie theater with my best friend of 12 years. We are both girls. We usually like to sit in the back row but as usual it’s quite filled. We enlist the help of our usual plan to clear out the back row.)

Me: “[Best Friend], why do we always sit in the back at movies?”

Best Friend: “Don’t you remember, [My Name]? It’s so we can make out.” *puts her arm around my shoulder*

(Most of the older adults in the row clear out, leaving only a few teenagers and way more than enough seats for us to sit next to each other.)

Me: “It’s actually pretty sad that saying something like that can clear out an entire row.”

Best Friend: “Yeah, the adults here are pretty closed minded, but, hey, we have the back row mostly to ourselves now!”

I Wouldn’t Say…

| Friendly | March 10, 2014

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Self-Fulfilling Jealousy

, | Murfreesboro, TN, USA | Friendly | March 10, 2014

(I’m sharing a dorm room with a friend from high school who has always been a bit of a drama queen. Most recently, she’s decided that I hate her boyfriend. This is despite my repeated assurances that I actually think her boyfriend is a pretty cool guy. The following conversation takes place just after her again mentioning my non-existent hatred of her boyfriend. At this point in my life, I’ve never dated/had a boyfriend, and I’m a little down.)

Roomie: “What’s up?”

Me: “I don’t know. I guess talking about boyfriend stuff has me a little upset.”

Roomie: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Well, you know how I’ve never had one? Is there just something wrong with me? Something repellent to guys?”

Roomie: *nodding wisely* “So that’s what it is! That’s why you don’t like [Boyfriend]! My mom said it was probably because you were jealous because I always have guys hanging around me.”

Me: *stunned silence*

Roomie: “Don’t worry. I can find someone who will like you.”

(And, indeed, this incident was immediately followed by several weeks of her trying to hook me up with a guy that later got kicked out of school for sexual harassment. Thanks, bud!)

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