(My friend and I browse the natural supplement section of the pharmacy. She hands me bottles of diet pills and I read the ingredients. Note that she cannot take any caffeine or green tea because of health problems.)

Friend: “What’s in this one?”

Me: “Caffeine, laxative, raspberries.”

Friend: “And this one?”

Me: “Caffeine and green tea.”

Friend: “And this one?”

Me: “It’s written GREEN TEA in gigantic green letters on the bottle.”

Friend: “Ah, right.” *thinks a little* “So…?”

(Even though I’m middle aged, my two female coworkers are old enough to be my mother. One day, at lunch, we somehow get on the subject of the movie “The Wizard of Oz.”)

Me: “I remember when “The Wizard of Oz” was on once a year, on CBS, on a Sunday night. It was A Big Deal when it was shown, and I got to stay up late to watch it.”

Coworker #1: “Yep! Do you remember when they tried to colorize it?”

(Coworker #2 and I exchange confused looks.)

Me: “What… in the very beginning?”

Coworker #1: “No, when they landed in Oz.”

(Now I’m really confused.)

Me: “That part has always been in color. It was a big thing that “The Wizard of Oz” was one of the first color films.”

(Something “clicks” with Coworker #2.)

Coworker #2: “[Coworker #1], were you first watching it on a black and white TV?”

Coworker #1: “Oh. Maybe…”

(Coworker #2 and I broke up in laughter.)

(This is back before everyone had cellphones. My friend would get so many calls his parents gave him his own separate line so he wouldn’t tie up the phone. I’m attempting to call, but I get his answering machine.)

Me: “Hey, [Friend]. It’s me, [My Name]. Just calling to see what you were up to. Call me back when you get the chance. This message will self-destruct in five… four… three… two… one…”

(I then hold my phone over a speaker and play a rather loud explosion sound effect.)

Me: “You are now destroyed. Have a nice day.”

(A few minutes later, my friend calls back.)

Me: “Hello?”

Friend: “Dude, what the h***?! I was down stairs when you called and I could hear your message! I thought my phone exploded!”

(I’m on the bus, and there’s a guy that is sitting in a way so that he blocks three quarters of the aisle, and takes up two seats. This is annoying enough, but then, he lifts his hand in an insulting gesture, and waves at everyone, even children.)

Bus Driver: “Excuse me, sir, you need to stop.”

Guy: “It wasn’t at you!”

(Everyone stares.)

Guy: “It wasn’t at any of you! Really! No offense.”

(He proceeded to do it until the driver finally kicked him out.)

(There’s a lady who always stops in the middle of the street each month when she comes to pay her rent to the office across from mine. The street is small, barely allows two cars to pass each other, and the office she goes to has a large parking area right beside it. All the same, she parks in the middle of the street.)

Me: *having parked and heading into my office* “You know, there’s a parking area right beside the office! You don’t have to park in the road!”

Woman: “Yeah, I know. I was just paying my rent.”

Me: “You’re impeding traffic each time you do it.”

Woman: “Yeah. Sorry.”

Me: “You’re impeding traffic. You’re going to get hit one of these days.”

Woman: “Whatever.”

(Four months later, sure enough, she jerks to a stop in front of a truck and is hit. The police are called and, since I saw what happened from my office, I report to the officer on scene.)

Woman: “I was just stopping here to pay rent! He was going way too fast!”

Officer: “Yes, he was. But, did you know there’s a parking lot right beside us that you could have used? You probably wouldn’t have had the accident if you’d used it.”

Me: “I told her that before. She does this every month.”

Officer: “…Really!”

(She glared at me the whole while that he wrote her a ticket.)