(Since I don’t drive, my friend usually gives me a ride home after events. We’re at a friend’s birthday party playing ‘Apples To Apples.’ The round’s ‘judge’ draws an adjective card, everyone else tosses in a noun card, and the judge decides which noun best suits the adjective. It’s my turn to judge, and I get the card ‘Scary/Creepy.’ Everyone tosses in their cards, and I start going through the noun pile.)

Me: “‘Cheap hotels?’ Hotels aren’t scary!”

(Everyone looks at me like I’m nuts, and they stumble over themselves to explain why cheap hotels absolutely qualify as ‘scary.’ I must still look incredulous, because finally my friend blurts out.)

Friend: “That’s it! When tonight is over, I’m taking you to a cheap hotel!”

(I’m living with my two best friends; we’ve just moved into a new apartment. One day, I swear I hear voices coming from the dishwasher. Both of my friends think I’m bonkers, and we all drop the subject. A few months later, I’m sitting in the living room doing homework, while my bestie is telling me about her day and unloading groceries.)

Bestie: “There’s enough here to…” *tapers off into silence*

(I look up to see my bestie making a really strange face while edging away from the dishwasher.)

Me: “YOU HEAR THEM TOO!”

Bestie: *wide eyed* “I seriously just thought the voices were one of those strange things I accepted about you for the sake of our friendship. Like your mismatched socks and love of trashy romance novels.”

Me: “Yeah, but voices?”

Bestie: “Definitely hearing voices.”

Me: “Yay friendship!”

(We have several people over for a New Year’s Eve party and need to choose a movie. Since no one can decide, I pick ‘The Avengers.’ I know most people like it, and hope our one friend who hates sci-fi will just accept it as a superhero movie. Unfortunately, he doesn’t. After watching the movie…)

Friend #1: “Well, that’s two hours of my life I’ll never get back!”

Me: *starting to seethe*

Friend #2: “Yeah, but, if you think about it, every two hours is two hours you’ll never get back.”

Friend #1: *laughs* “That’s true!”

(I am taking my four-year-old daughter and her friend to the store for some quick groceries. They are singing ‘The Wheels on the Bus,’ and are making up their own words.)

Daughter & Friend: “The mommies on the bus go, ‘Aaah! I need wine!'”

(A friend of mine walks in and gets in my line. His ex-wife and he live close by each other, and he gets to see his daughter on his scheduled weekends, but also throughout the week if he’s not busy.)

Me: “How are you doing today?”

Friend: “Oh, not too bad. I have a date with a cute red-head this afternoon.”

Me: *knowing he is talking about his daughter* “Oh really? What do you have planned for today?”

Friend: “I don’t know. I think we’re gonna go to the park and let her ride her bike around, and then go get some lunch.”

Me: “Sounds good! Hope you guys have fun!”

(My friend wishes me a good day, and heads out the door. My next customer walks up.)

Customer: “It sounds like he’s going on a date with a four year old.”

Me: “Actually, she’s six!”