(My dad loves teasing people. Almost everyone who knows us knows this, but newcomers are sometimes never sure if they should take him seriously. One of our good family friends has just gotten married.)
Friend #1: *to his wife* “Don’t worry; he’s just trolling you.”
My Dad: *grins unrepentantly* “I’ve been trolling people since before it was called trolling!”
Friend #1: “Yeah, back then we just called them a**-holes.”
(I’m a rather multinational person. So far I have lived in four countries at 15 years of age. I am moving from the third to the fourth country. I’m going around getting my shirt signed. My friend is one year above me, and from France, but has lived in Romania for most of her life.)
Friend: “Hey. I heard you were leaving! Can I sign your shirt too?”
Me: “Sure. Go ahead. Here’s a pen.”
Friend: “Thanks. So, where are you going?”
Me: “Vienna.”
Friend: “Ooh, I’ve always wanted to learn Italian.”
Me: “What?”
Friend: *condescending* “Italian? The language they speak in Italy?”
Me: “Oh, you’re thinking of Venice. No, I’m going to Vienna, as in the capital of Austria.”
Friend: “Oh, of course! Sorry. I’m not that great at Geography.”
Me: “Oh, that’s fine. I’ve been getting that all day. Vienna does sound an awful lot like Venice.”
Friend: “Okay. I’ve finished the picture!”
Me: “Great. See you.” *walks away*
(Later…)
Other Friend: “Who drew a kangaroo on your shirt?!”
(I’m stretched out on my boyfriend’s bed, burrowed under the covers, and he’s sitting at his desk, adding the finishing touches to an English paper. His roommate pokes his head into the room.)
Roommate: “You’re not done with that essay yet? I thought you said you were nearly finished.”
Boyfriend: *without looking away from the computer* “Yeah, but [my name] came over and we had a biology lesson.”
Roommate: *confused* “I thought she wasn’t in college?”
Me: *giggle*
Roommate: “What? I thought you weren’t a student!”
Me: *laughing harder* “I’m not!”
Roommate: “Then why did you have a biology lesson with [boyfriend’s name]? I know you’re too old to be in high school!”
Boyfriend: *shakes his head* “Dude, you’re in college. If you don’t get what I’m trying to say, I can’t help you.”
(I am a student, and I babysit for money. On Mondays, I take the little boy I watch to the playground for a few hours and helicopter around him in case he hurts himself. A mother at the park approaches me.)
Mother: “You know, I just want to tell you: I see you here every Monday and I think it’s just great that you are such a hands-on young mother.”
Me: “Oh! I’m not his mother! I’m just his babysitter. But thank you anyway!”
Mother: “Sweetie, you don’t need to be embarrassed! You should embrace being a great mom, especially at such a young age. I can’t even imagine what it’s like for you as a single mom in your early 20s!”
Me: “Uhm, really, I am not his mother. I am just his babysitter. But I’m flattered you think I am doing a great job caring for him!”
(The mother walks away to the sandbox area, where other mothers are sitting just within earshot.)
Mother: “You ladies will not believe this! That girl over there is trying to claim that that baby is not hers! Some people! I wonder if her parents have brainwashed her into thinking it’s their baby. There are some really crazy people out there, huh?”
Related:
Ah, Mothers, Part 7
Ah, Mothers, Part 6
Ah, Mothers, Part 5
Ah, Mothers, Part 4
Ah, Mothers, Part 3
This story is part of the Babysitting roundup!
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(My school gets the full range of sexual education, including abstinence and safe sex. I end up missing the abstinence part of it so my classmates are filling me in.)
Friend #1: “You are so lucky! First they had a speaker come in and tell us why it’s bad to have sex.”
Friend #2: “Yeah, then they handed out these little coin things. I already lost mine.”
Friend #1: “Then they made us learn about STDs. There was a slideshow with PICTURES!”
Friend #2: “It was so awful! I almost puked! You are lucky you missed it.”
Me: “You mean… you guys would rather have four of your teeth surgically removed than see that slide show?”
Friends #1 & #2: “YES!”
