(A few months ago my former best friend decided to stop talking to me because she didn’t like my boyfriend, who she had introduced me to. She said she could only see us being friends if he wasn’t in the picture. When she told me this, she listed the things she didn’t like about him, which were all things that she had said and done to me that I put up with for years. Recently I was taking the train to my boyfriend’s house when we run into each other. Note: this is the first time she has spoken to me in about 3 months.)

Friend: “Hey! How are you?”

Me: “I’m doing well. You?”

Friend: “I’m all right. What are you up to?”

Me: “Not much. I’m working and waiting to hear back from grad schools. You?”

Friend: “Yeah, I’m waiting to hear back from my schools, too. Hey, if we go to school in the same area we should room together! You know, if we’re talking by then.”

Me: “…”

(I’m in a shopping centre. I have bandages on one of my knees from my kitten scratching me. I’m minding my own business, and overhear two women gossiping about the people around them, quite loudly. I’m standing right near them, and notice them pointing directly at me.)

Woman: “Bandages on the knees? You know what that means!”

(I turn around and smile.)

Me: “That I have a better social life than you?”

(They both looked mortified, and I got a high-five from a guy who had overheard.)

(I’ve known my best friend for about two years. She’s been over to my house quite a bit, and as such has met all my family. My mom is driving my best friend, my siblings, and me to the local amusement park.)

Mom: “And make sure you don’t pick on your little brother!”

Best Friend: *turns to look at me* “You have a little brother?”

Me: *turns and looks at my little brother in the back seat* “Apparently, you don’t exist!”

(Some friends and I are hanging out and talking in the student center as it gets close to closing time. One of them, the only guy, checks his phone and notices it’s almost dead.)

Friend #1: “Does anyone have their iPhone charger? I’m at two percent.”

Friend #2: *hold up phone* “Droid.”

Me: “Droid.”

Friend #3: “Droid.”

Friend #1: *mildly frustrated* “Effin’ droids.”

Me: “We are not the droids you’re looking for.”

(Friend #2 starts laughing while Friend #1 jokingly points to the door.)

Friend #1: “Get out.”

Friend #2: *still laughing* “No, she stays.”

Friend #1: “Out.”

Friend #2: “Stay.”

Friend #3: “She can stay. I’m the tie-breaker.”

Me: “Case closed. Bring in the dancing lobsters.”

Friend #3: “Okay, now you actually can stay.”

(The day before Independence Day, while I am shopping, a sign falls and gives me a concussion. My friend makes sure I go to the ER. In other news, I decided to get a pixie cut 29 days later. Everyone raves about how great it looks, which surprises me since I had medium-long hair before. I’m especially surprised by my friend, who had previously told me to NEVER go shoulder-length or shorter. On this day, we are walking in the mall by the store where I got the concussion.)

Me: “It feels so weird to have short hair. I mean, I’ve thought about it before, but until my stylist disagreed with my claim that I wouldn’t look good with short hair, I didn’t know differently. I don’t know what came over me.”

Friend: *looking significantly at the store* “… A blow to the head?”