(My choir has a concert on the weekend and our conductor is telling us the details of it, such as when and where to arrive, what uniform we’re wearing, etc…)
Conductor: “I want you to arrive semi-dressed.”
(The entire choir starts laughing.)
Conductor: “Tha— that came out wrong.”
(She wanted us to come partly in uniform so we could change quickly.)
(I’m a bit of a tech-head, and because I’m studying IT I’m used to spending time around people who know basic IT terminology. I’m at a friend’s house with another one of her friends who I don’t know so well, and my friend is trying to talk her into staying the night so she doesn’t have to drive home at 2 am.)
Friend: “Come on, I’ve got a spare bed! I’m worried about you driving home. You live 30 minutes away.”
Acquaintance: “But I don’t have my phone charger!” *jokingly* “If the rest of you had iPhones then it wouldn’t be a problem.”
Me: *also joking* “Well, maybe you should get an Android phone then. They all come with micro-USBs.”
(She just looks at me and blinks.)
Acquaintance: “I… have no idea what you just said. Was that supposed to sound like English?”
This story is part of our iPhone roundup!
(My group of friends and I are all very experienced outdoorsmen so our camping trips are really roughing it: typically, we take a six-or-so-mile hike with minimal equipment so we can live off of the land as much as possible. My friend’s new girlfriend decides she wants to come with us. She shows up the day of the trip with four bags, including things like a hairdryer.)
Me: “Why are you bringing all this? Didn’t [Friend] tell you to pack light?”
Girl: “Well, I did. I only brought the stuff I need.”
Me: “Uh, not really. You don’t even have any food.”
Girl: “I’ll just go to a restaurant or something.”
(After we arrive in the mountains to begin our hike up:)
Girl: “Where are the cabins?”
Me: “There aren’t any.”
Girl: “Then where are we staying?”
Me: “In the woods, about seven miles that way.”
Girl: *Pause* “Are you kidding?”
Me: “Nope. I thought [Friend] told you we were camping?”
Girl: “He did. I just thought he was kidding about being out in the woods. Like, we would be in cabins like summer camp.”
(That was her last camping trip.)
This story is part of our S’Mores Day roundup!
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(I am on holiday, and having got separated from my friends, I decide to sit down in a park. I am female and 23 years old. I watch a bunch of teenagers who discuss something, look around the park, and then point in my direction. I think nothing if it, and start fiddling with a map. Five minutes later a boy of about 15 drops flat on the gravel in front of me.)
Boy: “I fell to my knees before your beauty!”
Me: *laughing* “Thank you, I guess?”
Boy: “Would you give me your number?”
Me: “I am leaving tomorrow, so…”
(The boy turns around and I see his friends watching us.)
Me: “Is this a bet?”
Boy: “Well… yes.” *blushing*
Me: “All right, then, because you made me laugh.”
(I then proceeded to very visibly write a number on a piece of paper. The boy left and got pats on the back from his friends.)
(I am shopping with my two-year-old. She is very well behaved, but being two doesn’t always understand. We are looking at a shelf, there are a couple also standing there next to us. My daughter begins to play with some of the packaged food.)
Me: *in my best ‘Dad’ voice* “Er, excuse me. We don’t do that. Put that back, please.”
(The woman freezes and puts the pepper she was looking at slowly back on the shelf.)
Me: *to the woman* “Oh, no. Sorry, not you.”
Woman: “Oh, I… er…” *looks at me then my daughter* “I didn’t want it anyway.”
(She turned bright red and quickly walked off.)
