(At the time I am living with two guy friends. They plan a camping weekend and are packing a car with all the normal camping gear when I look up from my computer to see one of them walk past with his small TV, his DVD player, & some DVDs.)
Me: “Dude, what the h***? Why are you taking those?”
Roommate: “Oh, just in case we get bored.”
Me: “Seriously? You go camping to get away from this shit. Take a book or something.”
Roommate: “But I hate reading.”
Me: “Whatever.” *goes back to my computer*
(They left for their camping trip only to arrive back home about four hours later because the camp-site got rained out and my roommate refused to stay because they couldn’t set up the generator.)
(I’m playing D&D with my three friends. I’m a girl, and they’re all boys. We’re being attacked by trolls.)
Friend #1: “I throw a punch at the nearest troll.”
(Friend #1 picks up the dice and rolls a one.)
Friend #3: “You miss and hit [Friend #2]. Your hand catches on fire. Your turn.”
Me: “I laugh hysterically at what just happened.”
(I roll another one.)
Friend #3: “You fail miserably to laugh hysterically and start choking.”
Friend #2: “How does that work, though?”
(My best friend and I are chatting via IM. The discussion has turned to the latest grocery shopping trip I took to the discount store that has opened up around the corner from my house.)
Me: “’Course, things only wind up at this store if there’s stuff wrong with it: label misprints, packaging problems, slightly expired, etc… but ya know what? I’m okay with that.”
(A few seconds later.)
Me: “… Why does that sound like a line from the first few minutes of either a ‘deadly super virus’ horror movie, or a superhero origin story movie?”
(My mum is at home with my newborn sister, so Dad has taken me and my two toddler brothers to do the shopping. Dad is a preacher, and well known for his booming voice. The boys are running about and getting underfoot a bit, until one of them nearly runs under our trolley.)
Dad: “WILL YOU GET OUT OF THE WAY NOW?!”
(An innocent woman looking at pickles shrieks, and juggles the pickles momentarily before dropping them and scuttling away backwards stammering:)
Woman: “I… I’m really sorry!”
(My friend is complaining about how badly he hates his job at a chain grocery store. I am known for saying the most hateful things to him, but we all know he and I are close friends.)
Friend: “I’m the smartest person who works at [Grocery Store].”
Me: “That’s the saddest god-d*** thing I ever heard.”
