(My four-year-old daughter is at a park, where she sees a boy come into the area she’s playing in. It is the first kid to come around this area of the park, so she’s happy.)
Daughter: “Hi, my name is [Daughter]. What is your name?”
Boy: *overly excited and throws his arms up in the air* “I’m [Boy]. I can’t find the… BURIED… treasure!”
Daughter: “We can find it!”
(And thus began thirty minutes of running everywhere looking for it.)
(A friend and I are hanging out. We go outside for a smoke. I am standing while he is sitting on a bench. The ember of his cigarette falls off onto his pants.)
Me: “Dude, you just ashed on yourself.”
Friend: “It happens.”
(Long pause…)
Me: “It’s still on fire.”
(Cue him leaping up and frantically brushing his legs. It burned a hole the size of a dime through his pants!)
(A friend of mine is a big local history buff. We are driving through Halifax when we pass by a large cemetery.)
Me: *pointing at the cemetery* “Hey, [Friend], did you know that’s the ‘dead’ center of Halifax?”
Friend: “No way! But that makes sense, it’s kind of in the middle, and if you think about the historical boundaries of the old city…”
(He trails off as I start laughing and glares at me.)
Friend: “I hate you!”
(My friends and I are discussing our favorite and least favorite authors and books.)
Me: “I don’t like Shakespeare or Dickens. I can never understand them!”
Friend #1: “Me neither. Plato was good though. And Albom, too.”
Friend #2: “I liked Dickens! I thought his characters were good, especially the pick-pocket.”
Friend #1: “Who?”
Friend #2: “Oliver Twist was a pickpocket! Am I the only one who has read A Tale of Two Cities?!”
Me: “I don’t know what book you read, but I’m pretty sure Oliver Twist was from Oliver Twist!”
(Our friends and their baby were visiting.)
Friend: “There’s always someone taller than you; someone better looking than you; someone better at sports than you…”
Me: “But you think your daughter is the cutest baby ever, right?”
Friend: “I’ve seen cuter.”
(His wife was not pleased!)
