(I am notorious for stealing other people’s personal belongings and hiding it somewhere near them. It is always friendly and I always give their stolen items back when I get bored. My housemate and I are throwing a stress ball at each other out of boredom. They reach over the couch to grab the stress ball. In a manner of seconds I grab their phone and slide it under them.)

Housemate: “Wait, where is my phone?”

Me: *with a big smile* “I don’t know.”

Housemate: “It’s in your undies, isn’t it?”

Me: *patting my underwear* “Nope.”

Housemate: “Then it must be under the couch. I will get it later.”

(I start to giggle and we throw the stress ball around again.)

Housemate: “Wait a second… I’m sitting on it. Aren’t I?”

Me: *laughing* “Yup.”

Housemate: “How’d you do that?”

Me: “Skill. You should be wondering why it took you a while to realise you were sitting on it.”

Hippie Friend: “[My Name], do you have any hair gel?”

Me: “Yeah… Why, you need some?”

Hippie Friend: “Yes… Question, how does one use hair gel?”

Me: “Are you kidding me? What, do you just roll out of bed everyday like that?”

Hippie Friend: “… Yes.”

Me: *sighs* “Just put some on your comb and comb it into your hair.”

Hippie Friend: “Do you have a comb?”

(My friend is looking at my refrigerator, which is covered with my collection of magnets from all over the world.)

Friend: “Ooh, where’s this one from?”

Me: “Hong Kong.”

Friend: “What about this one?”

Me: “Amsterdam.”

Friend: “And this one?”

Me: “Cyprus.”

Friend: “Oh, I don’t recognise this one. It sounds really odd. Which country is Frigidaire in?”

Me: “Uh, that’s not a magnet. That’s the refrigerator brand label.”

(My boyfriend and I are at a BBQ with some friends. I am musically inclined, and during conversation, bring up the topic of hand-bell ensembles. A hand-bell is a bell that plays a single note. To play a whole piece you would need multiple hand-bells to play every note in the piece.)

Boyfriend: “Depending on the piece, a hand-bell ensemble would have to be huge to play every note.”

Me: “Not necessarily. Each person could hold two bells, so you would only need half as many people as there were different notes.”

Boyfriend: “Oh yeah, I forgot that people have two arms…”

(My best friend and I are in art class. At the moment the class is watching ‘The DaVinci Code.’ My friend leaves to go to the bathroom. When she gets back…)

Friend: “So, what did I miss?”

Me: “Gandalf beat JARVIS with a stick.”