(I’ve recently returned from a skiing trip, in which I forgot to take any face covering during a particularly cold winter. As a result, any skin that wasn’t covered by my helmet or goggles is badly wind-burnt.)

Friend: “Blimey, what happened to your face?”

Me: “Well, I was only wearing a helmet and some goggles out on the slopes so…”

(My friend bursts out laughing and I realize what I just said.)

Friend: “Must have been cold for you.”

Me: “That’s what I reminded all the girls I passed by.”

(I’m a waitress at a small restaurant, and have just finished serving an older woman. I turn around to see my young son and I pick him up. Note: I am very white, and my son looks prominently Asian.)

Customer: “Oh, how sweet! You adopted! Aren’t you a little young, though?”

Me: “Perhaps, but actually this little man is 50% me.”

Customer: “You’re so selfless, giving one of those poor little Chinese babies a home!”

Me: “Uh, I didn’t adopt him. He’s my biological son. He’s half Japanese. Say hello, Hikaru!”

(He says hello to her in Japanese.)

Customer: *gasp* “You need to teach this little guy English. He’s going to have a really hard time around here if he only speaks Chinese!”

(At this point, I was tremendously uncomfortable. I asked my son in Japanese to say hello in English. The woman started rambling, saying how I’m only going to make life harder for my ‘adopted’ child since I kept speaking to him in Chinese. She doesn’t notice my husband walk up. He came up, unaware of the subject, and humorously asked if his son and I are being nice. Her eyes suddenly grew very wide. She paid and hurried out the doors, leaving my husband confused and me pretty ticked.)

(I had been busy lately with classwork and work, so I haven’t hung out with any of my friends in a few weeks. One of my friends calls me up out of the blue and asks if I wanna come over and hang out. I agree and head straight over. It takes me about 20 minutes to get there as we live on different ends of town.)

Me: “Hey, I’m here.” *I open the door and walk in*

Friend: “Oh! i’m back here. Hold on…” *she walks out of her room*

Me: “So, how’s it been?”

Friend: “Um, hey, [Other Friend I’ve never met] called and invited me over to play Guitar Hero, so I’m gonna go over there.”

Me: “Um, wait. What about me?”

Friend: “Yeah, he called right after I called you, but his girlfriend hates strangers in her place. She won’t let you in if she hasn’t met you before, so you can’t come with me. We will just have to hang out later.”

Me: “Um, what?”

Friend: “Well, I called ’cause I wanted to hang out, but then he called and I decided I really want to play Guitar Hero at his place. I have so much fun playing, and last time we had a couple of drinks and played for hours! I’m gonna get going though, since they are waiting on me. You are okay with locking the door behind you, right? I’ll see you later, Bye!” *walks out the door and leaves me standing there*

(I was pissed, and left. I didn’t talk to her for months after that, but apparently she didn’t even notice. That was a few years ago and it still riles me to think about it. Sometimes I wonder why we are even still friends…)

(Using my cane, I pass a woman and her son, about six years old.)

Woman: “Oh! Look, son! There’s a person with an assistive mobility device! We should always make room for people using assistive mobility devices!”

(The child looked at me quizzically as I walked by. I smile at him.)

Woman: “That’s right, son! Always get out of the way for people using an assistive mobility device!”

(And I thought, is there something wrong with the word cane?)

(I live on a farm where we offer the breeding services of our male goats to other farmers’ animals. It’s my responsibility to supervise the proceedings and I’ve had to reschedule meetings with my friends several days in a row in order to do so.)

Friend: “I never thought that goat sex would play such an important role in shaping our social life.”