(I’m about 10 years old and have taken my younger brother to the park. I’m just sitting on the swings waiting for him to finish playing. I’m wearing ripped jeans (it is the early 1990s) and very tatty shoes. A younger girl comes up, huffs at me, and sticks her hands on her hips.)
Girl: “Huh! Why don’t you sew up your jeans?”
Me: “It’s the fashion.”
Girl: “Hmm! Why don’t you sew up your shoes?”
Me: “Why don’t you sew up your mouth?”
(I’m in church with my newborn son. He is sitting quietly in my arms, but has the hiccups. The woman next to me starts talking to me.)
Woman: “Have you tried essential oils?”
Me: “For what?”
Woman: *as if it’s obvious* “His hiccups!”
Me: “No. Do they work?”
Woman: “Yes. I sell them. I have some with me, but not the one for hiccups, or I’d let you try it.”
Me: “Okay.”
(It’s obvious that his hiccups aren’t causing him any discomfort, and he isn’t distracting anyone. During the meeting, the woman gives her perfectly calm baby a whiff of some oil as he sits in his car seat. I see the same woman during the next meeting in the mother’s room, but this time she’s changing her older son, and she makes a comment about wishing he was potty-trained.)
Me: “How old is he?”
Woman: “He’s four. We sit him on the toilet and he just screams, so he’s still in diapers.”
(I know it’s impolite to judge, but between giving the perfectly calm child essential oils and being unable to potty-train a child before he’s four, I decided to steer clear of her parenting tips!)
(My boyfriend and a mutual friend and I are texting each other in a group chat, while we are working.)
Boyfriend: “Changing the ceiling lights, yay!”
Me: “Poor Bu, be careful!”
Boyfriend: “I will. I hate heights.”
Friend: “Aw, porbrecito.”
Boyfriend: “Wha?”
Friend: “‘Poor little one,’ in Spanish.”
Me: “The only Spanish he knows is the dirty stuff he learned from working at his old job.”
Friend: “I remember cute phrases and how to ask if you have various animals in your pants.”
Me: “Strange but somehow useful bit of knowledge.”
(I have been trying to get into shape as I am a bit overweight. I’m not very athletic and it’s obvious. One day I had just finished running on the indoor track at the University’s gym and I see a note under my water bottle by the bench.)
Note: “It’s always nice to get a note of encouragement! Keep up the good work. You’re doing great! =)”
(Thank you mystery running buddy. I appreciate it more than you know!)
(My friend and I are walking around our local mall, when we are approached by a lady.)
Lady: “You two look very alike.”
Me: *smiles* “I know! We actually get that a lot—”
Lady: “Yeah, both ugly.”
