(A family friend is over for Christmas, giving presents to me and my siblings. He gives everyone a box, and we start opening them.)

Sister: “Ooh, a [Toy #1] and [Toy #2]!”

Brother: “Awesome, I got [Video Game #1], [Video Game #2], and [Video Game #3]!”

(I open mine, and I get a box of assorted small candies. I’m somewhat upset, since my siblings all got about $50 of stuff, and I got almost nothing. However, I keep quiet, to not seem ungrateful. We’re eating dinner later when the family friend talks about getting presents. I’m in another room, but I can easily hear what people are saying.)

Friend: “Yeah, [Brother] and [Sister] are easy to shop for. They had a bunch of stuff for them. But [My Name] didn’t really say what she wanted. And she’s kind of rude, too.”

Brother: “So…you purposely got her something cheap because you were too lazy to ask what she likes?”

Friend: “When you say it like that, you make it seem like I was a jerk!”

(He argued that I was rude and didn’t even deserve the candy. My siblings eventually got through to him. He later gave me a gift card to one of my favorite stores.)

(I have been over to my best friend’s house quite a few times, and even spend the week with her when her parents go out of town. We are sitting in her basement playing video games when I hear the front door open and see a teenage boy walk up the stairs.)

Me: “Who the h*** was that?”

Friend: “Oh, that’s just my brother.”

Me: “You have a brother?!”

Friend: “Sometimes.”

(My friends somehow manage to convince me to come to a school dance. They quickly notice that not only am I not wearing a dress like all the other girls, but I’m wearing sneakers, too.)

Friend #1: “So, you don’t wear high heels? Like, ever?”

Me: “I’d rather wear something that I can actually walk in.”

Friend #2: “But they make you taller and look pretty!”

Me: “I’m wearing jeans and a T-shirt for a metalcore band, which are the first things I found on my floor when I started getting ready fifteen minutes before we had to leave, by the way. What makes you think I care about looking pretty?”

Friend #1: “So, you wouldn’t even wear heels just for special occasions, like a dance?”

Me: “I wouldn’t wear heels to my wedding. I like to be prepared.”

Friend #1 & #2: “For what?”

Me: “Just in case we should all get attacked by zombies. Since I’m the only girl in the area not wearing heels, I’ll be able to run the fastest while the rest of you get eaten and slow the walking dead down!”

(There’s a brief pause, before…)

Friend #1: “Wait, it only took you fifteen minutes to get ready?”

Friend #2: “I love how that’s the only thing she’s said that has you concerned right now.”

(I have flown from the US to London, with a layover in NYC, and land on a Friday afternoon. I was not able to sleep on the flight at all, despite trying. Then, I have to take a one-hour train ride to London from the airport, followed by what feels like a very long walk to the office building where my best friend works. I’ve now gone almost twenty-four hours without sleep, and the walk has drained me much more than expected. I don’t yet have a UK SIM card for my phone, and I don’t know where to find wifi near his office, so all I can do is wait for my friend to get off work and meet me at the spot he asked me to be. I sit down on the steps with my bag, and without realizing it, I’ve nodded off to sleep. Some businessmen across the street enjoying some drinks at a pub call out to me.)

Businessman #1: “Oi, mate! You all right?”

Me: *bleary-eyed* “Huh? Oh, sorry. I’m fine; I haven’t slept in over a day… I just flew in from the US. I’m meeting my friend here. He should be out in…” *checks watch* “…a few minutes.”

(I stand up; obviously sitting won’t work.)

Businessman #2: “Oh, good, okay. We thought you were drugged out or something!” *mimes the motion of a head nodding side to side and forward* “Looked like you were on a bad trip!”

Businessman #1: “Hey, why not let me buy you a pint, mate? Help keep you awake!”

(I should have said yes, but politely declined, thinking in my state a beer was not the best idea. I did thank them for waking me up, as a police officer went by just as they did so. My friend found me a few minutes later, and as we left, the businessmen waved and wished me a good trip. Plenty of friendly Brits in England!)

(At a costumed competition of my sports club, I overhear a young Dutch girl who is trying to talk her teammates into getting fancy costumes for next year.)

Girl: *in Dutch* “Oh, my god! We should SO get ‘oh-nay-sees’ for next year!”

(She meant onesies…)