(I hear the phone ringing, so I go answer it.)

Me: “Hello?”

(The voice is a man I don’t recognize.)

Man: “Hey.”

Me: “Who is this?”

Man: *angrily* “Why are you saying that about my wife?!”

Me: *taken aback* “”Excuse me?”

Man: “Don’t act stupid with me, a**-hole!”

Me: “You have the wrong number!”

(I was a little intimidated, so I hung up. We got another call a little later and my mom answered. It was the same man as before, apologizing for dialing the wrong number. On the plus side, he said that this incident helped him cool down so he could talk to the actual person without the mindless rage he was feeling.)

(I’m at a small party and we decide to play ‘Heads Up,’ an iPhone game where you put your phone against your forehead and everyone else has to explain or act out the word that comes up on the screen so you can try to guess it. “Act it Out” rounds are usually for actions like eating, flying a plane, etc. Everyone at the party is an out lesbian, and we are all platonic friends.)

Friend: “I want to do an ‘act it out’ round, okay?”

(Puts the phone against her forehead.)

Friend: “Ready… act!”

Phone Screen: “EATING OUT.”

(We all immediately burst out laughing.)

Friend: “What? What?”

Me: *in tears* “Pass, please! I don’t want to know what everyone else looks like doing that!”

(I’m out with friends, and my mom is driving us for the night. I tend to notice odd things and point them out to people.)

Me: “Look at that sign. That wording is strange.”

Male Friend: “Stop whining!”

Me: “I’m not whining. I’m just pointing it out.”

Male Friend: “You’re whining! You always whine!”

Me: *confused and frustrated* “No, I’m not. I just wanted to—”

Female Friend: “Yes, you are. You’re whining now.”

Me: “Whatever.”

(I’m silent until we get to a gas station. I go in and get a drink, and run into the other two, who walk in, looking embarrassed. I go over to my mom, who is leaning against the car looking annoyed.)

Mom: “You know what he said? He said he was going to smack you if you kept ‘whining!'”

Me: “In front of you?”

Mom: “Yes!”

Me: “Did he forget you’re my mother?”

Mom: “Not after I threatened to punch him.”

(My friend and I are browsing at a craft store.)

Friend: *looking at tassels* “Why do these only come in red and gold?”

Me: “‘Because people like Gryffindors better than Slytherins.”

Friend: *blinks* “…fair enough.”

(My friend and I are both really into Frozen and make references all the time. We used to eat lunch together, but he’s started to eat elsewhere lately. I see him walking in the hall during lunch.)

Me: “[Friend]! [Friend]! Why won’t you love me? Talk to meee!”

Friend: “Oh, [My Name]. If only there was someone who would have lunch with you.”