[Friend #3]’s Timing Is A Real Gas

Two things to know about [Friend #1]: he loves his [soft drink] in large quantities, and he is a vehement teetotaler. He has recently moved from a rural farmhouse (owned by his grandfather) to a small town, which means he is relatively new to the experience of having actual, walking-distance neighbors. This conversation happens while we’re visiting some mutual friends.

Friend #1: “Turns out my neighbors are smokers. Having to work around those fumes really makes me understand how bad an addiction really is.”

Friend #2: “What do you mean?”

Friend #1: “Well, I like [soft drink], right?”

Friend #2: “I’d call that a little more than ‘like’.”

Friend #1: “So would I. Thing is, though, if me having a can of [soft drink] meant I had to sit outside in the blazing sun and force the senses of everyone around me to suffer the byproducts of my indulgence, I wouldn’t drink [soft drink] at home.”

Me: “How exactly would you ‘force someone’s senses to suffer’ from you having a [soft drink]?”

At this moment, [Friend #3], who has been enjoying her own carbonated beverage, unleashes the LOUDEST, LONGEST belch that I have ever heard in person. She immediately covers her mouth in embarrassment as silence falls on the table.

Me: “Fair point.”

[Friend #3] started laughing as she realized her unintentional timing, and the rest of us joined in.