Fresh Out Of Fresh

Customer: “Is this chicken fresh?”

(I tap a huge sticker on the top of the meat case that says FRESH.)

Customer: “Does that mean it’s fresh?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “Because I only want it if it’s fresh.”

Me: “It is fresh, ma’am.”

Customer: “How fresh is it?”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “Because I only want it if it’s fresh.”

Me: “It is.”

(The case has four trays of chicken breast in it. She looks between the trays.)

Customer: “Is this chicken fresher than this chicken?”

Me: “No, I put them all in there at the same time.”

Customer: “Well, this one looks fresher than that one. Are you sure this one isn’t fresher than that one?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “Well this one looks fresher than that one. Can I see how fresh it is?”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “Because I only want it if it’s fresh.”

Me: “As I said, ma’am, it’s perfectly fresh.”

Customer: “Can you get me the chicken that’s the most fresh? This one looks the most fresh. Definitely more fresh than that one. Can you get me the freshest one?”

Me: “Absolutely. I know all about being fresh.”

Customer: “Great!”

(I grab the nearest chicken breasts and put two in a bag for her, seal it, price it, and hand it to her.)

Customer: “This is the freshest, right? More fresh than the other ones?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “Because I only want it if it’s fresh.”

Me: “I can assure you that I’ve been as fresh with you as I can get away with, ma’am.”

Customer: “Great!”

(She pays and walks out the door.)

Coworker: “Jesus shoe-shining Christ, how many times did that lady say the word ‘fresh’?”

Me: *shrugging* “I was really trying not to use a different F-word with her.”