Free Of Gluten, Free Of Thought, Part 23

Alcohol, Bar, Friends, Health & Body, Stupid, USA | Friendly | June 18, 2026

A friend and I are at a brewery. My friend talks about their gluten intolerance every time we go out, so I did my research for a brewery that has a decent selection of gluten-free beers.

After a couple of beers:

Friend: “What are you drinking?”

Me: “It’s a blonde Belgian wheat beer. Sorry, I don’t think they have a gluten-free version.”

Friend: “Oh, well, it looks nice, so I’ll have one.”

Me: “[Friend], it’s literally called wheat beer. It’s going to do a real bad job on your bowels.”

Friend: “Oh, it’s fine. Gluten in beer is different from gluten in food.”

Me: “Uh… no, it is the same.”

Friend: “No, because it’s liquid, so it skips the bowels and goes straight to the bladder. That’s why I can drink beer.”

Me: “First of all, that’s so very, very wrong. Second of all, you’ve been drinking regular gluten beer all this time, and you haven’t had any adverse reactions?”

Friend: “Yes! That’s how I know I can drink it!”

Me: “Your gluten intolerance… did you see a doctor about it?”

Friend: “Oh, no. I’m self-diagnosed. Google told me.”

Me: “Uh huh…”

I didn’t research gluten-free options quite as intensely after that…