Free Of Gluten, Free Of Thought, Part 18
My three-year-old son can’t eat gluten; literally can’t. My wife had heard they carry gluten-free pizza crust/dough at our local membership-based grocery store and wanted to try it. After a few minutes of wandering the vicinity of where we think it should be and coming up empty, we approach an employee.
Me: “Excuse me, where would we find gluten-free pizza crust?”
Employee: “I’m sorry?!”
Me: “We were told that Costco makes gluten-free pizza, but we can’t seem to—”
Employee: “Do you have a coupon?”
Me: “I’m sorry?”
Employee: “We can’t give away free pizza.”
Me: “Oh! No, no, no. Gluten free.”
Employee: “Sorry, store policy.”
Me: “I don’t think we’re understanding each other here.”
Employee: “Sir, if you don’t have a coupon, we cannot offer free pizza.”
Me: “I’m not looking for free pizza. I’m looking for gluten-free pizza dough.”
Eye roll. Heavy sigh. Beckons over another employee.
Other Employee: “What seems to be the problem?”
Employee: “These people are trying to get free pizza.”
Other Employee: “We don’t offer free food.”
Me: “I know. We’re trying to find gluten-free food. My son has a… horrible disease.”
Other Employee: “Oh! I’m sorry, sir. We used to carry a gluten-free pizza crust, but it sold poorly and got pulled. No longer available.”
Me: “Huh. Oh well. Thanks anyway.”
That first employee looked so f****** smug as I walked away. Like I’d just been defeated in my industrious scam to defraud the store of a single pizza crust.
Related:
Free Of Gluten, Free Of Thought, Part 17
Free Of Gluten, Free Of Thought, Part 16
Free Of Gluten, Free Of Thought, Part 15
Free Of Gluten, Free Of Thought, Part 14
Free Of Gluten, Free Of Thought, Part 13
