Fraud Is So Inconvenient These Days

(The phone rings.)

Me: “[Bank], this is [My Name]; how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, hello. I’m [Customer] and I’m an attorney. One of my clients, who banked there, passed away. Her name is [Person]. I’m in charge of her estate. I need her account balances and I also need to know how to get access to her safe deposit box.”

Me: “Are you on the account with her?”

Customer: “No. I was her attorney, though. I’ve done this before.”

(I go into the computer system to see if we have anything on file. Neither person’s name is bringing up any results.)

Me: “Unfortunately, there is nothing on file with us, so I can’t give you any information. But if you can bring in the small estate affidavit or other paperwork showing that you’re her executor, I can get it verified with Legal and then we can look a little deeper.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but that’s what Legal wants.”

Customer: “Listen here, missy. I’ve done this for many years and I’ve never been asked to bring in any sort of paperwork. You are required to give me this information.”

Me: “Not without the proper paperwork, sir. If you’d like, I can put you in touch with Legal.”

(The customer huffs. The line goes silent for a minute.)

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Customer: “You were not helpful!”

Me: “Have a nice day!”

Customer: “UGH!”

(I hung up. I went into the system and discovered that there had never been an account on file for the person he had just yelled at me about. Oops!)