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Fourth Of Jul-High

, , , , , , , | Right | July 4, 2023

It is July Fourth, and a bunch of older women (maybe mid-to-late seventies) come into the small local store, all loud and laughing.

Old Lady #1: “We need cookies!”

Old Lady #2: “Yes! The chewy ones!”

Old Lady #3: “And chips! Pringles! Once you pop, you can’t stop!”

For some reason this repeat of the ad jingle makes them all crack up. I smile too, as it’s kinda infectious.

Old Lady #4: *Putting a five-dollar bill on my counter.* “Can I open this now and eat while we shop? I… just… can’t wait!”

She is already opening the Pringles can and pouring them into her mouth.

Me: “Uh… sure, why not. It’s a holiday.”

Old Lady #4: “Yes! It’s America Day! We almost forgot!”

Old Lady #1: *Putting a pile of snacks on to my counter big enough for Smaug to hide inside.* “God Bless America!”

The hilarious old ladies giggle and make their purchases, leaving me very confused but in a good mood. Thankfully as we’re a local store I see them all leave and walk down the street to the suburban intersection (it’s common for locals to walk here).

Three days later, I am working again, and I see two of the ladies back in the store. They’re much quieter and are only buying magazines and some smokes. As they’re paying, they notice the Pringles display.

Old Lady #1: “Were… we here on July 4th?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Old Lady #1: “Buying snacks?”

Me: “All the snacks, ma’am.”

Old Lady #2: *To [Old Lady #1].* “I told you we didn’t imagine it!”

Old Lady #1: *To me.* “Word to the wise, young man. If your punk-a** grandson’s girlfriend brings brownies to the holiday BBQ, find out if she’s a d*** hippie before you eat two pieces!”

I can’t wait to see if they come back next year!

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