Forget ‘Goodbye’, How Do You Say ‘Go Away’ In All The Languages?

Due to my family, I grew up speaking English, Spanish, Portuguese, and Tagalog. I’m learning Italian and Greek through my boyfriend and his heritage. From high school, I have conversational French. I know a few basic customer service phrases in about twenty languages.

Basically, I love languages! I’m the one who gets called if a coworker is struggling with a language barrier with a customer. I’m called over to a specific checkout lane.

Cashier: “Can you help me explain to this customer that the coupon isn’t valid?”

I look at the customer, and am initially confused. I remember seeing her walking into the store with her daughters, all talking loudly in English, and with the local area’s accent to boot.

Customer: “No hablo ingles.”

I fight the urge to cringe. This customer speaks Spanish like a first-grade language student. There’s no way this customer can speak Spanish. Likely, this is a scam where the customer pretends not to speak English and delays the line so much that the store just gives them the discount anyway to get them out of here. It is surprisingly common.

Anyhoo, benefit of the doubt and all that:

Me: *In Spanish.* “I’m sorry, ma’am, but that coupon has expired, and we cannot accept it.”

The customer blinks for a second, and then tries:

Customer: “No… uh… e-span-y’all? I… uh… arrivederci?”

Yes, she really did just switch to saying goodbye in Italian.

Me: *In Italian.* “Oh, you speak Italian? Amazing. I’m sorry, ma’am, but that coupon has expired, and we cannot accept it.”

The customer blinks again, but she’s not giving up.

Customer: “No… uh… Auf Wiedersehen?”

Does this woman only know various forms of goodbyes in other languages? German isn’t a language I am fluent in, but I doubt she is either, and I know a couple of sentences.

Me: *In German.* “Ah! Deutsch! Okay! I fed the dog all my biscuits, and now I am sad as I have no biscuits.”

The customer sighs. One of her daughters pats her on the shoulder and speaks in English:

Customer’s Daughter: “Mom, I don’t think they’re going to take your coupon.”

Customer: *Angrily.* “Well, they would have if they hadn’t hired Mr. F****** Duolingo here!”

She paid, and they left. I was laughing in every language I knew for the rest of the day.