Flirtation Comes With Part Of The Package

, , , , , | Right | June 4, 2017

(This took place a few years ago when I was working for a well known cheap clothes shop. I’m usually just a cashier but I have been asked to tidy up the men’s section. A middle aged woman approaches me; her late-teens son is hanging in the background.)

Customer: “What size boxers does my son need?” *calls him over*

Me: *a bit taken aback* “Oh, uhm, what size is he usually in boxers?”

(At this point I’m feeling so sorry for her son; he looks so embarrassed!)

Customer: “Well, he’s usually a medium as he has quite a big package!”

Me: *inside I’m cringing as I DID NOT NEED TO KNOW THAT!* “The medium boxers here should fit, then! Anything else you need help with?”

Customer: “Yes, are you single? My son is such a lovely young man, you know!”

Me: “I’m sure he is madam, but I’m taken. Sorry!”

(I quickly scurried away and begged to be put back on tills! That poor boy!)

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  • Max

    You know, I’ve suddenly worked out why the “lovely young man” is single…

    • Mushroom

      His mom is trying to pimp him out. Single or not, he should be getting more tail than a toilet seat.

      • Aro

        Yeah, cuz nothing makes me want a guy more than his mother’s recommendation of his junk

        • Ophelia

          I recently read that in Japan, mother-son incest is pretty widespread there, a screwed up result of the salaryman taking extremely long hours, bored and sexually frustrated housewives, and sons coming home from school long before their husbands come home from work. One of Japan’s biggest secrets, though not necessarily the most well-kept.

          (And most definitely going to be more poorly-kept in the future, considering there is a recently-printed successful novel called “Do You Like Your Mom? One Normal Move from Her Is Like Two Super Moves!”)

      • TicToc

        Seriously there’s nothing that get’s you less tail than a crazy mother.

    • Kitty

      He seems to be in his late teens, according to the story. Why is being single there terrible?

      • Max

        It’s more that his mother seems like the type to drive off anyone with potential romantic interest due to her overbearing enthusiasm.

  • Jay

    That is unbelievably creepy and I hope this isn’t true. If it is, that kid will never be able to understand proper boundaries.

    • Karen Steimle

      How do you figure that? It says he was embarrassed by what his mother was saying.

      • Jay

        Just the impression I got, that the embarrassment would not be acted upon. I could be wrong. I hope I am.

        • Saah

          But if he felt embarrassed, doesn’t that mean he knows his boundaries (and OP’s too) were being violated?

  • Ian Rennie

    why on earth is this tagged “romantic”?

    • Joana Hill

      Taking “Not Always Romantic” literally, I suppose.

  • Idolchu

    Wow.. too much information woman.

    • Max

      Unrelated, but high five for your icon 😀

      • Idolchu

        *high five* Futaba is one of my top favorite persona 5 character.

        • Kitty

          All hail Futaba! She was my immediate pick for love interest when I saw her. (I admit, Makoto is a close second. I like her hair)

          • Max

            I was really hoping that Yusuke could be a love interest. 🙁

            I would have picked Futaba first time round but by that point I was already with Makoto. Futaba is adorably amazing though.

  • Cave Johnson

    I feel like there’s a Freud joke to be made here.

  • Anne-Marie van der Veen

    *Sigh* What is it with parents’s obsession with their children’s love live? My mum once saw an ad for a dating show and threatened to sign me and my brother (both perpetually single) up for it.
    I told her on no uncertain terms that if she did, she would no longer HAVE a daughter. Brother agreed.

    • Huck Perry

      Well, it could be cause of how people today are; they are starting to think that they have no time for love as they have college, work, etc and wait until into 30s or 40s (they can have time earlier, just try and make time if they can. I know they don’t have to, it’s up to them) so your mom might just wanted grandkids earlier.

      • walking dread

        It’s not up to the mom about if or when her kids have grandkids.

        There’s this amazing concept called “running their own lives” you might want to look into. That poor boy’s om, as well.

        • Huck Perry

          I know that…. do you think I supported the mom? and I was saying that to Anne… sorry if you guys think I thought parents should be in their kids’ love life

          • BrickBat

            People tend to read into things that which is not there, specially if they are already predisposed to being outraged.

      • AsaeAmpan

        Nothing you have said gives the wretch in the story the right to shove herself into her child’s love life.

  • Mushroom

    Taken or not, he has quite a big package you can try out (and teach him how to operate). Which comes with a testimonial by his own mother, it is THAT impressive. Yuuuge.

    • Aro

      Or she just thinks her son is the sexiest thing to walk the earth because he sprang from her womb.

    • TicToc

      I can understand girls that might not jump a dude whose biggest recommendation is his mother… especially one that’s trying to hard to sell his “big package”.

    • Richard Da Bunny

      That is funny and disturbing. Congrats

  • Kathy Plester

    xDI shouldn’t laugh but match-making mamas can be funny sometimes. Not for the children they are trying to set up, I know, but it makes me laugh.

    My mother used to keep trying to set me up with Asian people because ‘Just think of the cute Japanese/Chinese/Vietnamese etc babies you would have!’ 0_0

    • Taddy

      I have a friend that’s Asian who’s mom told her NOT to get with an Asian guy cause she wouldn’t be sexually satisfied. Kinda feel bad for her dad considering her mom said that.

      • Kathy Plester

        Haha that is hilarious … in a sad but equally funny kind of way. Yeah things were probably not going well in paradise if her mother told her that. Oh dear. I feel sorry for your friend’s mother.

  • Zorua

    Not just the dick comment, but the fact she doesn’t trust him to buy underwear in a store by himself, makes me want to die from secondhand misery.

    • Stephanie McConnell

      I like the term secondhand misery, gonna have to hold onto that one 😛

  • KashyaCharsi

    I risk saying a non-creepy mother would be uncomfortable about this topic even if she were forced to deal with it.

  • Kitty

    Lady, I am not interested in your son or his package and DEFINITELY not into you trying to play cupid…!

  • cylon_toast

    “You do know you are embarrassing you kid right? Maybe you should talk to him to see what he finds appropriate to say about him to strangers. I don’t think you’d like someone talking about your genitals to a stranger, would you?”

  • They may have been discussing boxers, but that conversation was best kept brief.

    • Arhi Mith

      Thanks for putting a huge smile on my face!

  • Bethany Lieflijk

    Let him find his own love interest. Isn’t ‘happiness’ bigger than the ‘actually having a love interest’ bit?

  • AsaeAmpan

    Ma’am, do NOT try to do your son’s dating for him, it’s cringy and is more likely to get people to dislike both you AND him.

  • And people will be saying, “I can’t understand why he took that Uzi and slaughtered his entire family! He was always such a quiet boy! And his mother, especially, was so loving!”

  • anitoo

    “Ma’am, that would be between me and your son, and I’d need him to talk to me about it himself. Is there anything else I can help you with today for your shopping needs?”

    I’d like to hope I was quick enough to get this out, but I’m sure I wouldn’t be… on the other hand, it’s far from the first of these kinds of stories we’ve seen on here, so maybe for next time?

  • Arhi Mith

    That’s mental illness. And people like that can be quite dangerous, too. She could’ve complained afterwards that the OP had sexually harassed her son, for example. They are like that.