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Flattery Will Get You (Almost) Nowhere

, , , , , | Working | November 19, 2021

Outside of my former workplace is a strip of stores and restaurants that I would go to on my break to get a bite to eat. For some odd reason, there would always be girls there collecting signatures to promote some kind of environmental or political cause or trying promote a charity organization. Each one of them was very passionate about what they were representing, and if you weren’t careful, they would happily talk your ear off while showing you various pictures and information slides. Even if you weren’t up for signing up to donate monthly, they still felt it was their duty to make you aware of their causes.

This got to be a serious problem when I was on my freaking lunch hour!

Regretfully, I’m one of those people who are afraid to offend others or say no, so more than once I spent a good portion of my lunch hour listening to some girl babbling about an air pollution issue.

I soon discovered a remedy for this. When approached by one of them, I would continue walking while loudly saying, “My God, you are absolutely beautiful! You need to make a portfolio; there are plenty of modeling agencies looking for people like you!” It would catch the girl completely off guard and stun her into an awkward silent spell — sometimes with a stuttered, “Thank you!” — allowing me time to escape.

Fast forward to the health crisis. Unfortunately, I lost my job. I managed to score a job interview coincidentally in a building near the same strip of businesses. As I hurried into the lobby, a lady approached me with a notepad and what appeared to be a stack of pamphlets. Uh-uh, no time for this! 

Lady: “Excuse me—”

Me: “Lady, you are absolutely gorgeous. You should be modeling for Vogue magazine! How’d you get your hair so perfect?”

I rushed into an elevator as it closed. I went up to the floor of the office and let the receptionist know I was there for my interview.

Receptionist: “She’s actually waiting for you in the lobby. A water pipe burst in her office so she has to interview you there.”

Oops.

Yeah, it was her, all right. I noted that she maintained a bright smile throughout the interview, and at the end, she remarked that she didn’t feel I qualified for the particular job I was applying for, but she DEFINITELY would call me should a more fitting position become available.

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