Fit For The Job

(I’m the owner of a gym that is open 24/7. We get a new member who seems to be there all day. I think nothing of it until I show up one day at 8 am and the man is sleeping in the male locker room.)

Me: “Hey, you all right there?”

Man: *wakes up* “Huh?! Oh, sorry! I’m usually up before anyone gets here. Um… is there a problem?”

Me: “Did you just fall asleep in the gym?”

Man: “Sorry. See, the thing is, I’m homeless. I spent what little money I had left on a membership here so that I had roof above my head at all times.”

Me: “Ooookay, but, how do you eat?”

Man: “I’d… rather not answer that.”

Me: “What, you steal our cash or something?”

Man: “What? No! No, I don’t! I just ask the other members to treat me. I feel

horrible as I can’t pay them back.”

Me: “I see. Hey, are you good with the equipment we use here at the gym?”

Man: “Uh… yeah. Why?”

Me: “You’ll get half salary until you’ve treated all members who treated you to food. For the time being, you’re a janitor; you’re in charge of making sure everything works properly. All right?”

Man: “Y-you mean to tell me you’re hiring me?!”

Me: “Have you done drugs or do you have an alcohol problem?”

Man: “No! I hate both things! I was fired because my now ex-wife slept with my ex-boss and he had me fired when I found out!”

Me: “… oh.”

(Four years later and he’s now my most trusted employee!)