Fish Don’t Need Air And You Don’t Need Water

| Columbus, OH, USA | Right | October 12, 2011

(I work in the fish department of a pet store. A customer walks up to me with a bag of 3 dead goldfish.)

Customer: “I’d like to return these fish.”

Me: “No problem, would you like to replace them?”

Customer: “No! This the third time I’ve bought fish from you people and they keep dying on me! I want my money back!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Is everything set up properly in your tank?”

Customer: “Of course it is! I set it up last week. I have the gravel in there and everything!”

Me: “Do you have a filter running?”

Customer: “No, they’re too expensive.”

Me: “How about an air-stone?”

Customer: “Why would I need an air-stone? Fish breathe underwater.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, but they still require oxygen. An air-stone or filter dissolves oxygen in the water so the fish can absorb it through their gills.”

Customer: “What kind of idiot are you? Everyone knows fish don’t need oxygen! That’s why they live in the water!”

(The customer throws the bag of dead fish to the ground and storms off. She’s never come in the store again.)

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  • Samantha Meza

    I would have asked her why the fish in the pet store are still alive and why hers keep dying.

    • Kida Ferrari

      “Because you sold me the sick ones!” or something stupid like that.

      • Samantha Meza

        True, that most likely would happen with that kind of customer.

  • Tricorvus

    I understand her confusion: fish in the local pond do just fine without filters or air stones….

    • Samantha Phastine

      But the local pond also has algae and other microorganisms living in it that serve the same function as the filter or air stone does for a tank filled with tap water. But I guess customers like this probably don’t understand how ecosystems work…

      • Tricorvus

        I absolutely assure you that you’re spot on in that

      • Siirenias

        If tap water is good enough for the pond then it’s good enough for my tank. It’s even better because it doesn’t have that icky green slime so it doesn’t taint their food. They eat water, right?

      • Dsru Bin

        Now you’re just being ridiculous. Now you’re claiming that, not only do fish “breathe” in water, but plants breathe too? And in water? Did you “ride the short bus” to school? Are you missing your minder? Let me explain it to you: There. Is. No. Air. In. Water. Fish don’t need air to breathe, plants don’t breathe at all, and you obviously just made up the word “ecosystem” to try to sound smart.